Ten days after the blood work (October 25), I excitedly checked my phone every time I received an email to see if my clinic had the results of the lab. I desperately wanted to know before my husband got home from school so I could quickly put together something to announce the sex of the baby to him.
The email about test results never showed up.
We did our grocery shopping late in the afternoon and I noticed a text from my friend.
"Hey I won't be at institute tonight but I'm dying to know if you guys found out your babies gender!"
I turned to my husband. "Should I call the clinic?"
"Of course." There was no other option from him. I did not want to be that irritating patient who calls too frequently about something. It had been a long week. I needed something exciting in my life.
"I had some blood work performed last week and was told the turn-around time would be approximately ten days. I wanted to know if there was an update on when that would be available."
"Which test?"
"Panorama."
"What would you specifically like to know?"
"Gender."
"Is this your first pregnancy?"
"It's my fifth pregnancy, but it will be my second baby."
"Do you want a little boy or a girl?"
I could tell the nurse was having lots of fun with me. I bet these are their favorite calls to have.
"Honestly, I just want a healthy baby."
"Is your child at home a little girl or a little boy?"
"I have a little girl."
"Well, you are going to have two little girls soon!"
"Thank you so much!"
"Is there anything else?"
"No. You were wonderful. Have a great day!"
My husband turned to me. "Well?" I repeated to him the conversation I had with the nurse and started crying. We excitedly turned to my daughter and were so happy to tell her that she was going to have a little sister.
My husband insisted that I call my father right then. He was on a train to JFK to go to Texas for a couple days, but celebrated with us. We were on cloud nine!
This baby girl is even more special because boys run in my family. Out of all my siblings, there is only one that has had more than one girl. We will be the second of my father's children to have two girls and the only family to have two girls in a row. This baby is also special because my little sister and little brother are also expecting babies in the spring. My sister is due around four week before me and my sister-in-law is due within a week of me. These three babies will have the closest birthdays out of all their cousins.
We also think we have a first name picked out. My daughter started saying a name a few weeks ago out of the blue. My husband and I both decided we like it. We will try it out a bit longer, but I think we have a winner!
31 October, 2019
Week 12 OB appointment
At 12 weeks and 2 days, we once again packed up some car toys for my daughter and drove the hour needed to go to my OB appointment. We were excited because this would be the first time we would actually meet the OB I had chosen. We are still hoping to switch over to the midwife in a month or two, but if things did not work out with her, it was important to us that we like the OB.
The wait time was not significant and we were quickly ushered back into an exam room. This was really the first time I felt as though I had graduated. I felt like just a regular pregnant woman who did not spend thousands of dollars, have dozens of injections, and require a flight halfway across the country to successfully become pregnant.
The doctor entered the room and I could tell I was going to like her. She was very sweet and caring with a slight "no nonsense" attitude. I wanted to sit on my front porch and drink a cold glass of lemonade with her on a hot summer day, talking about nothing.
We went over everything. She seemed a little confused about my due date, but I figured that would work itself out very soon. I didn't need to get into a discussion about my transfer. (I learned with my first that some computer programs OB offices use are not very IVF friendly. Many of them require me to guess when my last period would have been had I gotten pregnant naturally.)
We did a quick physical exam, listened to the baby's heartbeat (the best!), and I thought we would be sent on our way. Instead, we were asked a question. "Would you like to do genetic testing?"
My husband and I looked at each other with confused glances. We had never discussed this. In my mind, I did not care about the test. Nothing would change how I feel about this baby. Nothing would cause me to abort the fetus or think about the baby in a different light. As we hemmed and hawed, the OB quickly added, "You would find out the sex early."
My husband's eyes lit up. I knew the answer. It was a definite yes.
After checking to see if our insurance would cover it, we agreed.
We almost did not do the blood work for the genetic testing in the end. We excitedly stepped into the lab for blood work and stopped quickly. There was quite the crowd waiting in the lobby and the wait time promised to be an hour. We stepped back outside. We couldn't wait that long. We had a slightly hungry toddler, not to mention hungry parents. After a quick discussion, I went back into the waiting room alone while my husband drove off with our daughter to run some errands.
Miraculously, the wait time had dropped to ten minutes and there were only a couple people in the room. I still do not know how that happened.
We did the blood test and drove home, excited that in ten days, we would know the sex of the baby!
The wait time was not significant and we were quickly ushered back into an exam room. This was really the first time I felt as though I had graduated. I felt like just a regular pregnant woman who did not spend thousands of dollars, have dozens of injections, and require a flight halfway across the country to successfully become pregnant.
The doctor entered the room and I could tell I was going to like her. She was very sweet and caring with a slight "no nonsense" attitude. I wanted to sit on my front porch and drink a cold glass of lemonade with her on a hot summer day, talking about nothing.
We went over everything. She seemed a little confused about my due date, but I figured that would work itself out very soon. I didn't need to get into a discussion about my transfer. (I learned with my first that some computer programs OB offices use are not very IVF friendly. Many of them require me to guess when my last period would have been had I gotten pregnant naturally.)
We did a quick physical exam, listened to the baby's heartbeat (the best!), and I thought we would be sent on our way. Instead, we were asked a question. "Would you like to do genetic testing?"
My husband and I looked at each other with confused glances. We had never discussed this. In my mind, I did not care about the test. Nothing would change how I feel about this baby. Nothing would cause me to abort the fetus or think about the baby in a different light. As we hemmed and hawed, the OB quickly added, "You would find out the sex early."
My husband's eyes lit up. I knew the answer. It was a definite yes.
After checking to see if our insurance would cover it, we agreed.
We almost did not do the blood work for the genetic testing in the end. We excitedly stepped into the lab for blood work and stopped quickly. There was quite the crowd waiting in the lobby and the wait time promised to be an hour. We stepped back outside. We couldn't wait that long. We had a slightly hungry toddler, not to mention hungry parents. After a quick discussion, I went back into the waiting room alone while my husband drove off with our daughter to run some errands.
Miraculously, the wait time had dropped to ten minutes and there were only a couple people in the room. I still do not know how that happened.
We did the blood test and drove home, excited that in ten days, we would know the sex of the baby!
Week 9 Ultrasound
Upon the completion of my seven week ultrasound, my fertility center reminded me that we needed a nine week ultrasound. I called the OB clinic to set up the appointment and sent over the order form only to receive a phone call a day or two prior to the appointment.
"Hello, I am calling about the appointment you have. Why do you need another ultrasound?"
"I have an IVF baby and my fertility center wanted me to have two ultrasounds two weeks apart to ensure the beginning stages of the pregnancy are progressing like they should be."
"Well your doctor looked at the scans and she doesn't think there's an extenuating circumstance that would require one this week."
"Could I still have one done?"
"Because she doesn't think you need one, your insurance wouldn't pay for it."
"I understand. This is important to me and I do have an outside order for it. We are willing to pay for the ultrasound out of pocket if needed."
"Well, our ultrasound tech is actually out of the office for a couple of weeks. She broke her foot and is unable to come in."
"Is there another place I could send the order form to in order to have this ultrasound this week?"
"We have another office [an hour and a half away from where you live]. That's where we are sending everyone right now. They can probably take you, but because it is an out-of-state order, I cannot guarantee anything."
"Okay. Thanks." (No thanks.)
I quickly texted my husband to ask for his opinion. He said we should either use the fertility center here that has saved us so many times or just cancel the second ultrasound. I quickly called the fertility center. The woman on the other line was terrific and said the doctor could squeeze me in that same day in 50 minutes (we live 90 minutes away). We scheduled an appointment for 10:00 the following day.
As we drove up to the fertility center the next morning, I realized as we were past the point of no return that I had left the order form at home! We arrived at the center and after a few frantic unanswered calls at my own fertility center, I took matters into my own hands. I signed up for a free fax service online and sent the pdf order as a fax from my phone. The marvels of modern technology! It went through one to two minutes after we were called back to do the ultrasound.
In the room for the ultrasound, we had a tech that we have met once or twice before. The fertility doctor himself came in along with an OB. We once again praised this fertility doctor up and down for his willingness to work with patients that are not his own. The technician did the scan and the baby looked perfect! The baby was measuring exactly where he/she should and everything looked great. The fertility doctor kept asking if we needed anything else from him, but we were just happy to hear the heartbeat again and see our growing little one.
I received a few more pictures of our newest addition and we all enjoyed the not insignificant car ride to and from the center.
"Hello, I am calling about the appointment you have. Why do you need another ultrasound?"
"I have an IVF baby and my fertility center wanted me to have two ultrasounds two weeks apart to ensure the beginning stages of the pregnancy are progressing like they should be."
"Well your doctor looked at the scans and she doesn't think there's an extenuating circumstance that would require one this week."
"Could I still have one done?"
"Because she doesn't think you need one, your insurance wouldn't pay for it."
"I understand. This is important to me and I do have an outside order for it. We are willing to pay for the ultrasound out of pocket if needed."
"Well, our ultrasound tech is actually out of the office for a couple of weeks. She broke her foot and is unable to come in."
"Is there another place I could send the order form to in order to have this ultrasound this week?"
"We have another office [an hour and a half away from where you live]. That's where we are sending everyone right now. They can probably take you, but because it is an out-of-state order, I cannot guarantee anything."
"Okay. Thanks." (No thanks.)
I quickly texted my husband to ask for his opinion. He said we should either use the fertility center here that has saved us so many times or just cancel the second ultrasound. I quickly called the fertility center. The woman on the other line was terrific and said the doctor could squeeze me in that same day in 50 minutes (we live 90 minutes away). We scheduled an appointment for 10:00 the following day.
As we drove up to the fertility center the next morning, I realized as we were past the point of no return that I had left the order form at home! We arrived at the center and after a few frantic unanswered calls at my own fertility center, I took matters into my own hands. I signed up for a free fax service online and sent the pdf order as a fax from my phone. The marvels of modern technology! It went through one to two minutes after we were called back to do the ultrasound.
In the room for the ultrasound, we had a tech that we have met once or twice before. The fertility doctor himself came in along with an OB. We once again praised this fertility doctor up and down for his willingness to work with patients that are not his own. The technician did the scan and the baby looked perfect! The baby was measuring exactly where he/she should and everything looked great. The fertility doctor kept asking if we needed anything else from him, but we were just happy to hear the heartbeat again and see our growing little one.
I received a few more pictures of our newest addition and we all enjoyed the not insignificant car ride to and from the center.
Why I still can't do baby showers
This summer, I was invited to my first non-family baby shower that I was able to go to post move. It was for a sweet friend of mine and my daughter adores her boys so I was happy to go.
I quickly learned that I had made a mistake when the women present started going around in a circle telling humorous anecdotes about their labor and delivery experiences.
It caused sorrowful feelings to resurface that I had not felt in quite a while.
I do not share my daughter's birth story very frequently. If I do, it goes something like this:
I made it to the hospital at 12:30 and she was born just after 4:00 with around 15 minutes of pushing.
Simple. Minimal. Not very detailed.
When I think back to that day, I remember such special, sacred moments. Even when I was at my worst, I asked the midwife to look into the epidural and was later told the anesthesiologist would not give me one due to the blood thinners I took. I still smile. I cherish bringing my daughter into this world. My point of view for my daughter's birth is dramatically different than how other women view births, and that's okay.
Even though I get to spend time with my beautiful daughter, infertility will always be a huge part of my life. Once our next child is born, I will still feel some intermittent sorrow when I hear a baby announcement. I will still keep track of how old our miscarried children would be had they been viable pregnancies. I will occasionally ponder how old our child would be had we been able to conceive at the very beginning of our marriage. However, I think about these things peacefully (in general) now and do not need a baby shower to rip ugly old emotions to the forefront of my brain.
I will not make an appearance at a baby shower in the near future. This is my current boundary and I very much support myself in this decision.
I quickly learned that I had made a mistake when the women present started going around in a circle telling humorous anecdotes about their labor and delivery experiences.
It caused sorrowful feelings to resurface that I had not felt in quite a while.
I do not share my daughter's birth story very frequently. If I do, it goes something like this:
I made it to the hospital at 12:30 and she was born just after 4:00 with around 15 minutes of pushing.
Simple. Minimal. Not very detailed.
When I think back to that day, I remember such special, sacred moments. Even when I was at my worst, I asked the midwife to look into the epidural and was later told the anesthesiologist would not give me one due to the blood thinners I took. I still smile. I cherish bringing my daughter into this world. My point of view for my daughter's birth is dramatically different than how other women view births, and that's okay.
Even though I get to spend time with my beautiful daughter, infertility will always be a huge part of my life. Once our next child is born, I will still feel some intermittent sorrow when I hear a baby announcement. I will still keep track of how old our miscarried children would be had they been viable pregnancies. I will occasionally ponder how old our child would be had we been able to conceive at the very beginning of our marriage. However, I think about these things peacefully (in general) now and do not need a baby shower to rip ugly old emotions to the forefront of my brain.
I will not make an appearance at a baby shower in the near future. This is my current boundary and I very much support myself in this decision.
19 October, 2019
First Ultrasound
My next step, after having two positive blood draws, was to have my first ultrasound! Shortly after moving to our new location in the Midwest last year, we decided that the local hospital's labor and delivery section did not sound like a place that would mesh well with our ideal labor, delivery, and recovery. The problem? The local hospital is around 15 minutes away and there are only a few hospitals within an hour of our little home.
We did a decent amount of research to determine which hospital would be a good fit. We chose one, an hour away, that has beautiful labor, delivery, and recovery rooms (I will stay in one room the entire stay) and has a midwife that can deliver there.
We called the office and set up an appointment for the initial visit. Just like all the other doctor offices we have worked with here, they were confused about any special requests we had because of the IVF. ("You want an early ultrasound? I don't know if we can do that..." After being on hold for half an hour, it was determined they can do that.)
We set the appointment for a Thursday morning and got excited to see a wiggling baby and hear the heartbeat.
The morning of the appointment arrived on September 12. We thankfully arrived without much traffic and signed in. As I sat peacefully in the waiting room, my toddler started getting antsy so she wandered over to hang out at the fish tank. It was an interesting setup for a doctor's office waiting room. Not only were there OBGYN patients, but the waiting room was also shared with a pediatrics office and a regular family medicine practice.
As we waited (and waited and waited), I overheard the receptionist talking with a patient that the ultrasound machine was currently not working. At that point, I was feeling as though nothing about this pregnancy was going to be easy. I was hoping that they would fix it before it was my appointment time.
After we waited for close to an hour, I was called back. The nurse that did my initial appointment was a delight. She took the usual information about health history and family health history. ("You have how many siblings? Give me a minute... I need to add them one at a time.")
She gave my daughter a container of bubbles and had a coloring book and crayons ready for her to use. We really enjoyed chatting with her. We were all having such a delightful time that after we were done with business, we all agreed to stay in her office and chat while we waited for my ultrasound appointment.
Fifteen minutes later, we got to see the baby! He/She was adorable! I forgot how different they look when you have an early ultrasound (7 weeks). My daughter was really excited until we actually saw the baby and then she became very confused.
Seeing a baby on an ultrasound is the best feeling ever. So far with this pregnancy, I have not been feeling quite as anxious as with my daughter's pregnancy. I am unsure why. I am definitely in a better place right now than I was sooner. I have also had a successful pregnancy, so I might just be more confident because of that.
We finished the appointment and I had to go down a few doors to their phlebotomist. (Before we moved, every medical clinic we visited had a phlebotomist in office. Here, I have not seen many medical offices that have their own phlebotomist. It gets a little frustrating.)
After waiting 20 minutes, I had given 9 vials of blood and we headed home.
We did a decent amount of research to determine which hospital would be a good fit. We chose one, an hour away, that has beautiful labor, delivery, and recovery rooms (I will stay in one room the entire stay) and has a midwife that can deliver there.
We called the office and set up an appointment for the initial visit. Just like all the other doctor offices we have worked with here, they were confused about any special requests we had because of the IVF. ("You want an early ultrasound? I don't know if we can do that..." After being on hold for half an hour, it was determined they can do that.)
We set the appointment for a Thursday morning and got excited to see a wiggling baby and hear the heartbeat.
The morning of the appointment arrived on September 12. We thankfully arrived without much traffic and signed in. As I sat peacefully in the waiting room, my toddler started getting antsy so she wandered over to hang out at the fish tank. It was an interesting setup for a doctor's office waiting room. Not only were there OBGYN patients, but the waiting room was also shared with a pediatrics office and a regular family medicine practice.
As we waited (and waited and waited), I overheard the receptionist talking with a patient that the ultrasound machine was currently not working. At that point, I was feeling as though nothing about this pregnancy was going to be easy. I was hoping that they would fix it before it was my appointment time.
After we waited for close to an hour, I was called back. The nurse that did my initial appointment was a delight. She took the usual information about health history and family health history. ("You have how many siblings? Give me a minute... I need to add them one at a time.")
She gave my daughter a container of bubbles and had a coloring book and crayons ready for her to use. We really enjoyed chatting with her. We were all having such a delightful time that after we were done with business, we all agreed to stay in her office and chat while we waited for my ultrasound appointment.
Fifteen minutes later, we got to see the baby! He/She was adorable! I forgot how different they look when you have an early ultrasound (7 weeks). My daughter was really excited until we actually saw the baby and then she became very confused.
Seeing a baby on an ultrasound is the best feeling ever. So far with this pregnancy, I have not been feeling quite as anxious as with my daughter's pregnancy. I am unsure why. I am definitely in a better place right now than I was sooner. I have also had a successful pregnancy, so I might just be more confident because of that.
We finished the appointment and I had to go down a few doors to their phlebotomist. (Before we moved, every medical clinic we visited had a phlebotomist in office. Here, I have not seen many medical offices that have their own phlebotomist. It gets a little frustrating.)
After waiting 20 minutes, I had given 9 vials of blood and we headed home.
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