At 12 weeks and 2 days, we once again packed up some car toys for my daughter and drove the hour needed to go to my OB appointment. We were excited because this would be the first time we would actually meet the OB I had chosen. We are still hoping to switch over to the midwife in a month or two, but if things did not work out with her, it was important to us that we like the OB.
The wait time was not significant and we were quickly ushered back into an exam room. This was really the first time I felt as though I had graduated. I felt like just a regular pregnant woman who did not spend thousands of dollars, have dozens of injections, and require a flight halfway across the country to successfully become pregnant.
The doctor entered the room and I could tell I was going to like her. She was very sweet and caring with a slight "no nonsense" attitude. I wanted to sit on my front porch and drink a cold glass of lemonade with her on a hot summer day, talking about nothing.
We went over everything. She seemed a little confused about my due date, but I figured that would work itself out very soon. I didn't need to get into a discussion about my transfer. (I learned with my first that some computer programs OB offices use are not very IVF friendly. Many of them require me to guess when my last period would have been had I gotten pregnant naturally.)
We did a quick physical exam, listened to the baby's heartbeat (the best!), and I thought we would be sent on our way. Instead, we were asked a question. "Would you like to do genetic testing?"
My husband and I looked at each other with confused glances. We had never discussed this. In my mind, I did not care about the test. Nothing would change how I feel about this baby. Nothing would cause me to abort the fetus or think about the baby in a different light. As we hemmed and hawed, the OB quickly added, "You would find out the sex early."
My husband's eyes lit up. I knew the answer. It was a definite yes.
After checking to see if our insurance would cover it, we agreed.
We almost did not do the blood work for the genetic testing in the end. We excitedly stepped into the lab for blood work and stopped quickly. There was quite the crowd waiting in the lobby and the wait time promised to be an hour. We stepped back outside. We couldn't wait that long. We had a slightly hungry toddler, not to mention hungry parents. After a quick discussion, I went back into the waiting room alone while my husband drove off with our daughter to run some errands.
Miraculously, the wait time had dropped to ten minutes and there were only a couple people in the room. I still do not know how that happened.
We did the blood test and drove home, excited that in ten days, we would know the sex of the baby!
31 October, 2019
Week 9 Ultrasound
Upon the completion of my seven week ultrasound, my fertility center reminded me that we needed a nine week ultrasound. I called the OB clinic to set up the appointment and sent over the order form only to receive a phone call a day or two prior to the appointment.
"Hello, I am calling about the appointment you have. Why do you need another ultrasound?"
"I have an IVF baby and my fertility center wanted me to have two ultrasounds two weeks apart to ensure the beginning stages of the pregnancy are progressing like they should be."
"Well your doctor looked at the scans and she doesn't think there's an extenuating circumstance that would require one this week."
"Could I still have one done?"
"Because she doesn't think you need one, your insurance wouldn't pay for it."
"I understand. This is important to me and I do have an outside order for it. We are willing to pay for the ultrasound out of pocket if needed."
"Well, our ultrasound tech is actually out of the office for a couple of weeks. She broke her foot and is unable to come in."
"Is there another place I could send the order form to in order to have this ultrasound this week?"
"We have another office [an hour and a half away from where you live]. That's where we are sending everyone right now. They can probably take you, but because it is an out-of-state order, I cannot guarantee anything."
"Okay. Thanks." (No thanks.)
I quickly texted my husband to ask for his opinion. He said we should either use the fertility center here that has saved us so many times or just cancel the second ultrasound. I quickly called the fertility center. The woman on the other line was terrific and said the doctor could squeeze me in that same day in 50 minutes (we live 90 minutes away). We scheduled an appointment for 10:00 the following day.
As we drove up to the fertility center the next morning, I realized as we were past the point of no return that I had left the order form at home! We arrived at the center and after a few frantic unanswered calls at my own fertility center, I took matters into my own hands. I signed up for a free fax service online and sent the pdf order as a fax from my phone. The marvels of modern technology! It went through one to two minutes after we were called back to do the ultrasound.
In the room for the ultrasound, we had a tech that we have met once or twice before. The fertility doctor himself came in along with an OB. We once again praised this fertility doctor up and down for his willingness to work with patients that are not his own. The technician did the scan and the baby looked perfect! The baby was measuring exactly where he/she should and everything looked great. The fertility doctor kept asking if we needed anything else from him, but we were just happy to hear the heartbeat again and see our growing little one.
I received a few more pictures of our newest addition and we all enjoyed the not insignificant car ride to and from the center.
"Hello, I am calling about the appointment you have. Why do you need another ultrasound?"
"I have an IVF baby and my fertility center wanted me to have two ultrasounds two weeks apart to ensure the beginning stages of the pregnancy are progressing like they should be."
"Well your doctor looked at the scans and she doesn't think there's an extenuating circumstance that would require one this week."
"Could I still have one done?"
"Because she doesn't think you need one, your insurance wouldn't pay for it."
"I understand. This is important to me and I do have an outside order for it. We are willing to pay for the ultrasound out of pocket if needed."
"Well, our ultrasound tech is actually out of the office for a couple of weeks. She broke her foot and is unable to come in."
"Is there another place I could send the order form to in order to have this ultrasound this week?"
"We have another office [an hour and a half away from where you live]. That's where we are sending everyone right now. They can probably take you, but because it is an out-of-state order, I cannot guarantee anything."
"Okay. Thanks." (No thanks.)
I quickly texted my husband to ask for his opinion. He said we should either use the fertility center here that has saved us so many times or just cancel the second ultrasound. I quickly called the fertility center. The woman on the other line was terrific and said the doctor could squeeze me in that same day in 50 minutes (we live 90 minutes away). We scheduled an appointment for 10:00 the following day.
As we drove up to the fertility center the next morning, I realized as we were past the point of no return that I had left the order form at home! We arrived at the center and after a few frantic unanswered calls at my own fertility center, I took matters into my own hands. I signed up for a free fax service online and sent the pdf order as a fax from my phone. The marvels of modern technology! It went through one to two minutes after we were called back to do the ultrasound.
In the room for the ultrasound, we had a tech that we have met once or twice before. The fertility doctor himself came in along with an OB. We once again praised this fertility doctor up and down for his willingness to work with patients that are not his own. The technician did the scan and the baby looked perfect! The baby was measuring exactly where he/she should and everything looked great. The fertility doctor kept asking if we needed anything else from him, but we were just happy to hear the heartbeat again and see our growing little one.
I received a few more pictures of our newest addition and we all enjoyed the not insignificant car ride to and from the center.
Why I still can't do baby showers
This summer, I was invited to my first non-family baby shower that I was able to go to post move. It was for a sweet friend of mine and my daughter adores her boys so I was happy to go.
I quickly learned that I had made a mistake when the women present started going around in a circle telling humorous anecdotes about their labor and delivery experiences.
It caused sorrowful feelings to resurface that I had not felt in quite a while.
I do not share my daughter's birth story very frequently. If I do, it goes something like this:
I made it to the hospital at 12:30 and she was born just after 4:00 with around 15 minutes of pushing.
Simple. Minimal. Not very detailed.
When I think back to that day, I remember such special, sacred moments. Even when I was at my worst, I asked the midwife to look into the epidural and was later told the anesthesiologist would not give me one due to the blood thinners I took. I still smile. I cherish bringing my daughter into this world. My point of view for my daughter's birth is dramatically different than how other women view births, and that's okay.
Even though I get to spend time with my beautiful daughter, infertility will always be a huge part of my life. Once our next child is born, I will still feel some intermittent sorrow when I hear a baby announcement. I will still keep track of how old our miscarried children would be had they been viable pregnancies. I will occasionally ponder how old our child would be had we been able to conceive at the very beginning of our marriage. However, I think about these things peacefully (in general) now and do not need a baby shower to rip ugly old emotions to the forefront of my brain.
I will not make an appearance at a baby shower in the near future. This is my current boundary and I very much support myself in this decision.
I quickly learned that I had made a mistake when the women present started going around in a circle telling humorous anecdotes about their labor and delivery experiences.
It caused sorrowful feelings to resurface that I had not felt in quite a while.
I do not share my daughter's birth story very frequently. If I do, it goes something like this:
I made it to the hospital at 12:30 and she was born just after 4:00 with around 15 minutes of pushing.
Simple. Minimal. Not very detailed.
When I think back to that day, I remember such special, sacred moments. Even when I was at my worst, I asked the midwife to look into the epidural and was later told the anesthesiologist would not give me one due to the blood thinners I took. I still smile. I cherish bringing my daughter into this world. My point of view for my daughter's birth is dramatically different than how other women view births, and that's okay.
Even though I get to spend time with my beautiful daughter, infertility will always be a huge part of my life. Once our next child is born, I will still feel some intermittent sorrow when I hear a baby announcement. I will still keep track of how old our miscarried children would be had they been viable pregnancies. I will occasionally ponder how old our child would be had we been able to conceive at the very beginning of our marriage. However, I think about these things peacefully (in general) now and do not need a baby shower to rip ugly old emotions to the forefront of my brain.
I will not make an appearance at a baby shower in the near future. This is my current boundary and I very much support myself in this decision.
19 October, 2019
First Ultrasound
My next step, after having two positive blood draws, was to have my first ultrasound! Shortly after moving to our new location in the Midwest last year, we decided that the local hospital's labor and delivery section did not sound like a place that would mesh well with our ideal labor, delivery, and recovery. The problem? The local hospital is around 15 minutes away and there are only a few hospitals within an hour of our little home.
We did a decent amount of research to determine which hospital would be a good fit. We chose one, an hour away, that has beautiful labor, delivery, and recovery rooms (I will stay in one room the entire stay) and has a midwife that can deliver there.
We called the office and set up an appointment for the initial visit. Just like all the other doctor offices we have worked with here, they were confused about any special requests we had because of the IVF. ("You want an early ultrasound? I don't know if we can do that..." After being on hold for half an hour, it was determined they can do that.)
We set the appointment for a Thursday morning and got excited to see a wiggling baby and hear the heartbeat.
The morning of the appointment arrived on September 12. We thankfully arrived without much traffic and signed in. As I sat peacefully in the waiting room, my toddler started getting antsy so she wandered over to hang out at the fish tank. It was an interesting setup for a doctor's office waiting room. Not only were there OBGYN patients, but the waiting room was also shared with a pediatrics office and a regular family medicine practice.
As we waited (and waited and waited), I overheard the receptionist talking with a patient that the ultrasound machine was currently not working. At that point, I was feeling as though nothing about this pregnancy was going to be easy. I was hoping that they would fix it before it was my appointment time.
After we waited for close to an hour, I was called back. The nurse that did my initial appointment was a delight. She took the usual information about health history and family health history. ("You have how many siblings? Give me a minute... I need to add them one at a time.")
She gave my daughter a container of bubbles and had a coloring book and crayons ready for her to use. We really enjoyed chatting with her. We were all having such a delightful time that after we were done with business, we all agreed to stay in her office and chat while we waited for my ultrasound appointment.
Fifteen minutes later, we got to see the baby! He/She was adorable! I forgot how different they look when you have an early ultrasound (7 weeks). My daughter was really excited until we actually saw the baby and then she became very confused.
Seeing a baby on an ultrasound is the best feeling ever. So far with this pregnancy, I have not been feeling quite as anxious as with my daughter's pregnancy. I am unsure why. I am definitely in a better place right now than I was sooner. I have also had a successful pregnancy, so I might just be more confident because of that.
We finished the appointment and I had to go down a few doors to their phlebotomist. (Before we moved, every medical clinic we visited had a phlebotomist in office. Here, I have not seen many medical offices that have their own phlebotomist. It gets a little frustrating.)
After waiting 20 minutes, I had given 9 vials of blood and we headed home.
We did a decent amount of research to determine which hospital would be a good fit. We chose one, an hour away, that has beautiful labor, delivery, and recovery rooms (I will stay in one room the entire stay) and has a midwife that can deliver there.
We called the office and set up an appointment for the initial visit. Just like all the other doctor offices we have worked with here, they were confused about any special requests we had because of the IVF. ("You want an early ultrasound? I don't know if we can do that..." After being on hold for half an hour, it was determined they can do that.)
We set the appointment for a Thursday morning and got excited to see a wiggling baby and hear the heartbeat.
The morning of the appointment arrived on September 12. We thankfully arrived without much traffic and signed in. As I sat peacefully in the waiting room, my toddler started getting antsy so she wandered over to hang out at the fish tank. It was an interesting setup for a doctor's office waiting room. Not only were there OBGYN patients, but the waiting room was also shared with a pediatrics office and a regular family medicine practice.
As we waited (and waited and waited), I overheard the receptionist talking with a patient that the ultrasound machine was currently not working. At that point, I was feeling as though nothing about this pregnancy was going to be easy. I was hoping that they would fix it before it was my appointment time.
After we waited for close to an hour, I was called back. The nurse that did my initial appointment was a delight. She took the usual information about health history and family health history. ("You have how many siblings? Give me a minute... I need to add them one at a time.")
She gave my daughter a container of bubbles and had a coloring book and crayons ready for her to use. We really enjoyed chatting with her. We were all having such a delightful time that after we were done with business, we all agreed to stay in her office and chat while we waited for my ultrasound appointment.
Fifteen minutes later, we got to see the baby! He/She was adorable! I forgot how different they look when you have an early ultrasound (7 weeks). My daughter was really excited until we actually saw the baby and then she became very confused.
Seeing a baby on an ultrasound is the best feeling ever. So far with this pregnancy, I have not been feeling quite as anxious as with my daughter's pregnancy. I am unsure why. I am definitely in a better place right now than I was sooner. I have also had a successful pregnancy, so I might just be more confident because of that.
We finished the appointment and I had to go down a few doors to their phlebotomist. (Before we moved, every medical clinic we visited had a phlebotomist in office. Here, I have not seen many medical offices that have their own phlebotomist. It gets a little frustrating.)
After waiting 20 minutes, I had given 9 vials of blood and we headed home.
23 September, 2019
Beta HCG FET #1
(Originally written on Tuesday August 20, 2019)
The date for my schedule beta HCG blood test was Monday August 19, 2019. My nerves were in check until Sunday night. We had a couple of friends over for dinner and as soon as they left, I was fretting like crazy.
Monday morning, we left our home to arrive at a local medical center at 8:00. They gave me sign in information so I could look up the results online. We thought this would be best to be able to look up the results as soon as possible.
As they were putting the bandage on, I inquired how long the results would take to arrive. I was told that the HCG would take a matter of an hour or two, but the progesterone and estrogen levels needed to be sent to a lab ninety minutes away. They would be processed by the end of the day. Not a problem.
When we arrived home, we ran into technical difficulties. We tried to access my online account for the health care system that did the blood draw. We wanted to find out as quickly as possible! After an hour of looking up information and calling unhelpful account representatives, we gave up. A lady told us we had done too many things wrong and she would send my information to technical support to solve.
I could not get my mind off the blood draw. With my daughter's transfer, I took several pregnancy tests, so while I was nervous the day of the draw, I would have been shocked if the results had been negative. With this blood draw, I was going off the faith of my husband who was confident that I would receive a positive result.
We called my clinic once or twice to ask if the results had been received, but nothing had been sent.
I finally turned to him and told him I needed to get out of the house. I gave him two dramatic road trip options (one to a zoo 3.5 hours away and the other to an eclectic grocery store 2.5 hours away). After a false start (the husband was too drowsy and we saw a four car accident happen right in front of us so we returned home for a nap), we headed out at around 1:00. We arrived at Jungle Jim's Grocery store just in time to shop for a couple of hours.
We had fun cruising around the store. There were so many fun things to look at and we were overwhelmed by the number of options. I called the clinic one last time. They still did not have the fax and their front office was closing soon.
"What time does the last person leave that would be able to call me if the results came in?"
I was told 9:00 in my time zone.
We had a very disappointing dinner and hit the road to come back home. As the minutes ticked by, I stopped looking after 9:00 hit. I was giving myself a pep talk and came to grips with the fact that I would not know until the following day.
"Do you want me to stop at a CVS?"
The nine most beautiful words of the day spoken by my husband.
When we were less than an hour from home, he stopped to purchase a pregnancy test at a CVS.
I waited until we got home and put our very sleepy toddler to bed. (I don't think she woke up the entire time I got her out of her car seat, carried her inside, and placed her in her bed.)
Then I took the test.
I started crying as I waited. The emotional buildup was over. I would finally know, one way or the other. The sense of relief was very intense.
My wait was very short. After only about thirty seconds, a very positive result appeared.
My husband came in and saw me crying. I am a big crier. You never know the cause of my crying.
The rest of the night before going to bed, he reminded me approximately 30 times that I was pregnant.
The next morning, there was a flurry of phone calls between us and the clinic that did my blood draw. Once my fertility clinic opened, I started calling and emailing them.
My amazing coordinator finally called.
"Do you have a minute?"
My heart dropped. Even with a positive pregnancy test, you still want a strong number. If the number is under 5, you are not pregnant. If it is between 5 and 25, it's a chemical pregnancy. If the number is between 25 and 100, you are pregnant, but we would be very cautious. If the number was above 100, I would be good to go.
An at-home pregnancy test can pick up very low levels. I was worried what her question meant.
"Well, you're pregnant! The number was 444. Congratulations!"
My heart started beating again.
We chatted about the blood draw I need to do again next week to make sure the pregnancy is still progressing the way it should and the ultrasound I should have done in just a few weeks.
The date for my schedule beta HCG blood test was Monday August 19, 2019. My nerves were in check until Sunday night. We had a couple of friends over for dinner and as soon as they left, I was fretting like crazy.
Monday morning, we left our home to arrive at a local medical center at 8:00. They gave me sign in information so I could look up the results online. We thought this would be best to be able to look up the results as soon as possible.
As they were putting the bandage on, I inquired how long the results would take to arrive. I was told that the HCG would take a matter of an hour or two, but the progesterone and estrogen levels needed to be sent to a lab ninety minutes away. They would be processed by the end of the day. Not a problem.
When we arrived home, we ran into technical difficulties. We tried to access my online account for the health care system that did the blood draw. We wanted to find out as quickly as possible! After an hour of looking up information and calling unhelpful account representatives, we gave up. A lady told us we had done too many things wrong and she would send my information to technical support to solve.
I could not get my mind off the blood draw. With my daughter's transfer, I took several pregnancy tests, so while I was nervous the day of the draw, I would have been shocked if the results had been negative. With this blood draw, I was going off the faith of my husband who was confident that I would receive a positive result.
We called my clinic once or twice to ask if the results had been received, but nothing had been sent.
I finally turned to him and told him I needed to get out of the house. I gave him two dramatic road trip options (one to a zoo 3.5 hours away and the other to an eclectic grocery store 2.5 hours away). After a false start (the husband was too drowsy and we saw a four car accident happen right in front of us so we returned home for a nap), we headed out at around 1:00. We arrived at Jungle Jim's Grocery store just in time to shop for a couple of hours.
We had fun cruising around the store. There were so many fun things to look at and we were overwhelmed by the number of options. I called the clinic one last time. They still did not have the fax and their front office was closing soon.
"What time does the last person leave that would be able to call me if the results came in?"
I was told 9:00 in my time zone.
We had a very disappointing dinner and hit the road to come back home. As the minutes ticked by, I stopped looking after 9:00 hit. I was giving myself a pep talk and came to grips with the fact that I would not know until the following day.
"Do you want me to stop at a CVS?"
The nine most beautiful words of the day spoken by my husband.
When we were less than an hour from home, he stopped to purchase a pregnancy test at a CVS.
I waited until we got home and put our very sleepy toddler to bed. (I don't think she woke up the entire time I got her out of her car seat, carried her inside, and placed her in her bed.)
Then I took the test.
I started crying as I waited. The emotional buildup was over. I would finally know, one way or the other. The sense of relief was very intense.
My wait was very short. After only about thirty seconds, a very positive result appeared.
My husband came in and saw me crying. I am a big crier. You never know the cause of my crying.
The rest of the night before going to bed, he reminded me approximately 30 times that I was pregnant.
The next morning, there was a flurry of phone calls between us and the clinic that did my blood draw. Once my fertility clinic opened, I started calling and emailing them.
My amazing coordinator finally called.
"Do you have a minute?"
My heart dropped. Even with a positive pregnancy test, you still want a strong number. If the number is under 5, you are not pregnant. If it is between 5 and 25, it's a chemical pregnancy. If the number is between 25 and 100, you are pregnant, but we would be very cautious. If the number was above 100, I would be good to go.
An at-home pregnancy test can pick up very low levels. I was worried what her question meant.
"Well, you're pregnant! The number was 444. Congratulations!"
My heart started beating again.
We chatted about the blood draw I need to do again next week to make sure the pregnancy is still progressing the way it should and the ultrasound I should have done in just a few weeks.
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