30 March, 2019

What Comes Next

My baby is not really a baby anymore. She is a curious, energetic (almost) 2-year-old toddler. She is a momma's girl through and through and a copycat. I cry sometimes when I think about how much I love her. She is everything to me. I read a study once that claimed children conceived via IVF are loved more than the average child conceived naturally. Maybe this means I love by baby more than I would have if she did not take years to come and all our money.
I do know that I am different from other moms. Having a baby does not cure infertility, nor does it cure the feelings and emotions.
In July, we moved halfway across the country. I have met a handful of women that area dealing with infertility issues. It is nice to be able to glance at them for half a second when other mothers talk about how much easier it was with one than two kids or other problems that I wish I had. They know.
Husband and I just had "the talk" a week ago and decided that late this summer will be when we will try our first frozen embryo transfer (FET). I hope it only takes one. In my mind, I am planning on at least two because it will hurt less that way. I know that when I get caught up in the middle of the shots and ultrasounds, everything will become more real to me and I will wish and hope and pray with all my might that it will only take one transfer, but I cannot put all my emotions in one emotional basket (that would make me a basket case). It's not me being pessimistic, it's being realistic. On the bright side, if it does take more than one FET, it means I get to visit my home state more than once. I would really look forward to that.
We are planning our FET so that the baby would come next summertime, during my husband's summer break from his doctorate program. The first time we go out for a FET, we are hoping to make a 1-2 week vacation out of it and really enjoy ourselves. My current medical insurance does not cover any infertility treatments at all, so it doesn't really matter if I do all the blood draws and ultrasounds where I live currently or with my clinic. If I have to come out for a second (or third) FET, it will just be me and the baby.
We are scheduled to have a phone consultation with my RE at the end of April. I wanted to schedule it early for two reasons. 1. Because it will be a long-distance FET, I want to make sure everything is laid out perfectly. 2. My current city is notorious for getting an appointment with a doctor. I need to know if I need to see an RE out here (closest one is 1.5 hours away) or if I can get away with just seeing an OBGYN or if I can just do all the preceding medical work at a lab somewhere.

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