On Tuesday, I had my 20 week appointment and anatomy ultrasound. Because my ultrasound at 16 weeks was extremely thorough, I went into the ultrasound without worries that a defect would show up. I was more anxious to see what was going on with my subchorionic hemorrhage.
The appointment was in early afternoon so we headed out soon after lunch. On the drive this time around, we timed how long it took to arrive at the doctor's office after getting off the highway. I was surprised to see it took 13 minutes (with only 10 to the hospital). I still do not love that the drive to the hospital is an hour, but we are still confident with our hospital choice and doctor's office choice.
We were in the waiting room for the least amount of time for this appointment. After just a few minutes, we were called by the ultrasound tech. We made our way back and I got settled on the examination table. As this table rises up, it makes a noise like an air-raid siren.
The ultrasound began and I was in heaven. I love watching my little wiggling baby. We had a third confirmation that it is a girl. There were a few times when the tech had to wait for her to shift positions because she was all over the place. We watched her close and open her mouth, rotate around, and grab her foot with her hand. As I watched the tech take measurements of everything, I noticed that the average length matched up with a baby closer to 22 weeks.
Everything was checked. She is perfect. The hemorrhage is gone. My daughter had to use the bathroom twice while we were doing the scan.
After thirty minutes of bliss of seeing my darling girl, I received an envelope of pictures and sent to an examination room to await the OB.
The OB was proud of my weight and said I didn't have to consume 3000 calories a day anymore. (Thankfully.) I am up to eight pounds of weight gain. My fundal height was measured and I matched the measurement for 22 weeks. My first child was a pretty average weight and height at birth, but if this girl keeps up her growth, she could be a bit bigger.
This was the best visit we have had with our OB in terms of the flow of conversation and the interaction. A problem arose when after chatting about Christmas, she stood up and left without addressing our couple of questions or asking if we had anything to ask her. My husband was a little frustrated.
As we made our 24 week appointment, we asked to see the midwife. I would love to have the OB deliver our baby, but the type of delivery experience we want to have would be better supported by a midwife. We are really hoping we will like the midwife.
14 December, 2019
16 November, 2019
OB Appointment 16W2D
Earlier this week, I went to my sixteen week appointment. I was scheduled to do an ultrasound first to check out my subchorionic hematoma and meet with the OB shortly thereafter.
As I was showering that morning, I missed a call from the clinic saying that their ultrasound tech was out for the day and if I called back after 8:00 (when their office opened), I could hear what my options were. We were planning on heading out at 7:50 in order to make it to the appointment on time, so we followed through with our departure plans and I called the office once they opened. They gave me the number for central scheduling for the health network so that I could still schedule an ultrasound.
After lots of discussion over several phone calls with a delightful woman, I received an appointment at an imaging center next door to the OB's office. The only problem was that the earliest available appointment was at 1:30. We were going to have lots of down time.
My husband and I decided that if the OB appointment went well, we would cancel the ultrasound and just head home.
Our hopes of getting home early were dashed during the OB appointment.
"You have a lot of blood in your urine!" was the first thing we heard from my doctor after pleasantries were exchanged. After asking a couple of questions that could explain where it had come from, she said I most likely had an infection and she would send off a sample to be examined.
"The next problem is that you are not gaining enough weight." I was more than a little perplexed that there was more than one problem. I've always passed my OB appointments with flying colors. They normally listen for a heartbeat, we chat for a few minutes, and then they send me on my way. "You have only gained two pounds this pregnancy." Let's ignore the fact that I was also in cold weather gear that added a bit of bulk to my outfit that day as well... "I am putting you on a 3000 calorie diet. It's not that hard. Just add a bit more to each meal and maybe a few more snacks." They wanted me to have gained between 4 and 7 pounds by this point.
Leaving the appointment slightly discouraged, we decided that we should keep the ultrasound appointment.
We killed time for three hours by buying my daughter's Christmas present and stopping by Trader Joe's to grab some lunch. We thought we would be home in time for lunch so we hadn't brought anything with us.
The ultrasound appointment was the highlight of the day. I thought it would be a quick five minute ultrasound with the tech measuring the size of the hemorrhage and moving onto the next patient, but we were pleasantly surprised to be there for over twenty minutes. I think we had a scan just as thorough as the anatomy scan that I will receive at my next visit. We got to see all four chambers of her heart, the beautiful structure of her spine and ribs, her curled up legs, and her adorable face. She kept opening and closing her mouth. The hemorrhage is still present, and the tech said we had to wait for the OB to compare the two scans. The tech was wonderful to chat with and I feel she shared things a little more openly than other techs I have worked with. We left with six more pictures of our adorable little baby that my older daughter loves to study.
Ever since the appointment, I have been trying to get my calories up, but it has been a challenge. I cannot eat much for breakfast without feeling sick and on the days I try to eat more for lunch, I am still full at dinnertime. I tracked my calories a few times and realized I am not getting close to 3000 calories. I am not even eating as much as someone in their second trimester should eat. My goal is to eat more snack and keep my meals the same, but now I need to plan ahead and brings snacks with me when I have outings.
As I was showering that morning, I missed a call from the clinic saying that their ultrasound tech was out for the day and if I called back after 8:00 (when their office opened), I could hear what my options were. We were planning on heading out at 7:50 in order to make it to the appointment on time, so we followed through with our departure plans and I called the office once they opened. They gave me the number for central scheduling for the health network so that I could still schedule an ultrasound.
After lots of discussion over several phone calls with a delightful woman, I received an appointment at an imaging center next door to the OB's office. The only problem was that the earliest available appointment was at 1:30. We were going to have lots of down time.
My husband and I decided that if the OB appointment went well, we would cancel the ultrasound and just head home.
Our hopes of getting home early were dashed during the OB appointment.
"You have a lot of blood in your urine!" was the first thing we heard from my doctor after pleasantries were exchanged. After asking a couple of questions that could explain where it had come from, she said I most likely had an infection and she would send off a sample to be examined.
"The next problem is that you are not gaining enough weight." I was more than a little perplexed that there was more than one problem. I've always passed my OB appointments with flying colors. They normally listen for a heartbeat, we chat for a few minutes, and then they send me on my way. "You have only gained two pounds this pregnancy." Let's ignore the fact that I was also in cold weather gear that added a bit of bulk to my outfit that day as well... "I am putting you on a 3000 calorie diet. It's not that hard. Just add a bit more to each meal and maybe a few more snacks." They wanted me to have gained between 4 and 7 pounds by this point.
Leaving the appointment slightly discouraged, we decided that we should keep the ultrasound appointment.
We killed time for three hours by buying my daughter's Christmas present and stopping by Trader Joe's to grab some lunch. We thought we would be home in time for lunch so we hadn't brought anything with us.
The ultrasound appointment was the highlight of the day. I thought it would be a quick five minute ultrasound with the tech measuring the size of the hemorrhage and moving onto the next patient, but we were pleasantly surprised to be there for over twenty minutes. I think we had a scan just as thorough as the anatomy scan that I will receive at my next visit. We got to see all four chambers of her heart, the beautiful structure of her spine and ribs, her curled up legs, and her adorable face. She kept opening and closing her mouth. The hemorrhage is still present, and the tech said we had to wait for the OB to compare the two scans. The tech was wonderful to chat with and I feel she shared things a little more openly than other techs I have worked with. We left with six more pictures of our adorable little baby that my older daughter loves to study.
Ever since the appointment, I have been trying to get my calories up, but it has been a challenge. I cannot eat much for breakfast without feeling sick and on the days I try to eat more for lunch, I am still full at dinnertime. I tracked my calories a few times and realized I am not getting close to 3000 calories. I am not even eating as much as someone in their second trimester should eat. My goal is to eat more snack and keep my meals the same, but now I need to plan ahead and brings snacks with me when I have outings.
11 November, 2019
Blessed
Every night before my daughter goes to bed, we say a prayer together. Tonight my husband was at school until late so it was just the girls. These days, I usually say the basic prayer with my daughter chiming in as to what she is thankful for. I always get a kick over what she decides to thank her Heavenly Father for. Tonight, she listed off a half dozen letters (including capital and lower case specific ones).
As I added more to her prayer, I said that we were thankful that we were blessed with another baby. My voice broke and I needed a minute to compose myself before continuing. I had a flashback to earlier in the day.
This morning, a darling friend dropped by for a short period of time. She was talking about a trial that she has been going through.
Even though it is not similar in the least to what I have had to go through to get my babies, she influenced me. She is so optimistic about it and is looking at all the positives. She is such an inspiration to me. I really do not know how she does what she does, but it makes me feel bad about the pity parties I have on occasion.
I am blessed. It is incredible that with our infertility problems, I have a very healthy pregnancy with a second child. It would be impossible for us to conceive children not that long ago (in medical years). I am able to connect with so many people. I do not take motherhood as lightly as I probably would had we not been through this. Will I ever look at my infertility without any sorrow? Probably not. But I can at least slowly change my heart and my point-of-view to a much more positive one.
As I added more to her prayer, I said that we were thankful that we were blessed with another baby. My voice broke and I needed a minute to compose myself before continuing. I had a flashback to earlier in the day.
This morning, a darling friend dropped by for a short period of time. She was talking about a trial that she has been going through.
Even though it is not similar in the least to what I have had to go through to get my babies, she influenced me. She is so optimistic about it and is looking at all the positives. She is such an inspiration to me. I really do not know how she does what she does, but it makes me feel bad about the pity parties I have on occasion.
I am blessed. It is incredible that with our infertility problems, I have a very healthy pregnancy with a second child. It would be impossible for us to conceive children not that long ago (in medical years). I am able to connect with so many people. I do not take motherhood as lightly as I probably would had we not been through this. Will I ever look at my infertility without any sorrow? Probably not. But I can at least slowly change my heart and my point-of-view to a much more positive one.
31 October, 2019
A he or a she?
Ten days after the blood work (October 25), I excitedly checked my phone every time I received an email to see if my clinic had the results of the lab. I desperately wanted to know before my husband got home from school so I could quickly put together something to announce the sex of the baby to him.
The email about test results never showed up.
We did our grocery shopping late in the afternoon and I noticed a text from my friend.
"Hey I won't be at institute tonight but I'm dying to know if you guys found out your babies gender!"
I turned to my husband. "Should I call the clinic?"
"Of course." There was no other option from him. I did not want to be that irritating patient who calls too frequently about something. It had been a long week. I needed something exciting in my life.
"I had some blood work performed last week and was told the turn-around time would be approximately ten days. I wanted to know if there was an update on when that would be available."
"Which test?"
"Panorama."
"What would you specifically like to know?"
"Gender."
"Is this your first pregnancy?"
"It's my fifth pregnancy, but it will be my second baby."
"Do you want a little boy or a girl?"
I could tell the nurse was having lots of fun with me. I bet these are their favorite calls to have.
"Honestly, I just want a healthy baby."
"Is your child at home a little girl or a little boy?"
"I have a little girl."
"Well, you are going to have two little girls soon!"
"Thank you so much!"
"Is there anything else?"
"No. You were wonderful. Have a great day!"
My husband turned to me. "Well?" I repeated to him the conversation I had with the nurse and started crying. We excitedly turned to my daughter and were so happy to tell her that she was going to have a little sister.
My husband insisted that I call my father right then. He was on a train to JFK to go to Texas for a couple days, but celebrated with us. We were on cloud nine!
This baby girl is even more special because boys run in my family. Out of all my siblings, there is only one that has had more than one girl. We will be the second of my father's children to have two girls and the only family to have two girls in a row. This baby is also special because my little sister and little brother are also expecting babies in the spring. My sister is due around four week before me and my sister-in-law is due within a week of me. These three babies will have the closest birthdays out of all their cousins.
We also think we have a first name picked out. My daughter started saying a name a few weeks ago out of the blue. My husband and I both decided we like it. We will try it out a bit longer, but I think we have a winner!
The email about test results never showed up.
We did our grocery shopping late in the afternoon and I noticed a text from my friend.
"Hey I won't be at institute tonight but I'm dying to know if you guys found out your babies gender!"
I turned to my husband. "Should I call the clinic?"
"Of course." There was no other option from him. I did not want to be that irritating patient who calls too frequently about something. It had been a long week. I needed something exciting in my life.
"I had some blood work performed last week and was told the turn-around time would be approximately ten days. I wanted to know if there was an update on when that would be available."
"Which test?"
"Panorama."
"What would you specifically like to know?"
"Gender."
"Is this your first pregnancy?"
"It's my fifth pregnancy, but it will be my second baby."
"Do you want a little boy or a girl?"
I could tell the nurse was having lots of fun with me. I bet these are their favorite calls to have.
"Honestly, I just want a healthy baby."
"Is your child at home a little girl or a little boy?"
"I have a little girl."
"Well, you are going to have two little girls soon!"
"Thank you so much!"
"Is there anything else?"
"No. You were wonderful. Have a great day!"
My husband turned to me. "Well?" I repeated to him the conversation I had with the nurse and started crying. We excitedly turned to my daughter and were so happy to tell her that she was going to have a little sister.
My husband insisted that I call my father right then. He was on a train to JFK to go to Texas for a couple days, but celebrated with us. We were on cloud nine!
This baby girl is even more special because boys run in my family. Out of all my siblings, there is only one that has had more than one girl. We will be the second of my father's children to have two girls and the only family to have two girls in a row. This baby is also special because my little sister and little brother are also expecting babies in the spring. My sister is due around four week before me and my sister-in-law is due within a week of me. These three babies will have the closest birthdays out of all their cousins.
We also think we have a first name picked out. My daughter started saying a name a few weeks ago out of the blue. My husband and I both decided we like it. We will try it out a bit longer, but I think we have a winner!
Week 12 OB appointment
At 12 weeks and 2 days, we once again packed up some car toys for my daughter and drove the hour needed to go to my OB appointment. We were excited because this would be the first time we would actually meet the OB I had chosen. We are still hoping to switch over to the midwife in a month or two, but if things did not work out with her, it was important to us that we like the OB.
The wait time was not significant and we were quickly ushered back into an exam room. This was really the first time I felt as though I had graduated. I felt like just a regular pregnant woman who did not spend thousands of dollars, have dozens of injections, and require a flight halfway across the country to successfully become pregnant.
The doctor entered the room and I could tell I was going to like her. She was very sweet and caring with a slight "no nonsense" attitude. I wanted to sit on my front porch and drink a cold glass of lemonade with her on a hot summer day, talking about nothing.
We went over everything. She seemed a little confused about my due date, but I figured that would work itself out very soon. I didn't need to get into a discussion about my transfer. (I learned with my first that some computer programs OB offices use are not very IVF friendly. Many of them require me to guess when my last period would have been had I gotten pregnant naturally.)
We did a quick physical exam, listened to the baby's heartbeat (the best!), and I thought we would be sent on our way. Instead, we were asked a question. "Would you like to do genetic testing?"
My husband and I looked at each other with confused glances. We had never discussed this. In my mind, I did not care about the test. Nothing would change how I feel about this baby. Nothing would cause me to abort the fetus or think about the baby in a different light. As we hemmed and hawed, the OB quickly added, "You would find out the sex early."
My husband's eyes lit up. I knew the answer. It was a definite yes.
After checking to see if our insurance would cover it, we agreed.
We almost did not do the blood work for the genetic testing in the end. We excitedly stepped into the lab for blood work and stopped quickly. There was quite the crowd waiting in the lobby and the wait time promised to be an hour. We stepped back outside. We couldn't wait that long. We had a slightly hungry toddler, not to mention hungry parents. After a quick discussion, I went back into the waiting room alone while my husband drove off with our daughter to run some errands.
Miraculously, the wait time had dropped to ten minutes and there were only a couple people in the room. I still do not know how that happened.
We did the blood test and drove home, excited that in ten days, we would know the sex of the baby!
The wait time was not significant and we were quickly ushered back into an exam room. This was really the first time I felt as though I had graduated. I felt like just a regular pregnant woman who did not spend thousands of dollars, have dozens of injections, and require a flight halfway across the country to successfully become pregnant.
The doctor entered the room and I could tell I was going to like her. She was very sweet and caring with a slight "no nonsense" attitude. I wanted to sit on my front porch and drink a cold glass of lemonade with her on a hot summer day, talking about nothing.
We went over everything. She seemed a little confused about my due date, but I figured that would work itself out very soon. I didn't need to get into a discussion about my transfer. (I learned with my first that some computer programs OB offices use are not very IVF friendly. Many of them require me to guess when my last period would have been had I gotten pregnant naturally.)
We did a quick physical exam, listened to the baby's heartbeat (the best!), and I thought we would be sent on our way. Instead, we were asked a question. "Would you like to do genetic testing?"
My husband and I looked at each other with confused glances. We had never discussed this. In my mind, I did not care about the test. Nothing would change how I feel about this baby. Nothing would cause me to abort the fetus or think about the baby in a different light. As we hemmed and hawed, the OB quickly added, "You would find out the sex early."
My husband's eyes lit up. I knew the answer. It was a definite yes.
After checking to see if our insurance would cover it, we agreed.
We almost did not do the blood work for the genetic testing in the end. We excitedly stepped into the lab for blood work and stopped quickly. There was quite the crowd waiting in the lobby and the wait time promised to be an hour. We stepped back outside. We couldn't wait that long. We had a slightly hungry toddler, not to mention hungry parents. After a quick discussion, I went back into the waiting room alone while my husband drove off with our daughter to run some errands.
Miraculously, the wait time had dropped to ten minutes and there were only a couple people in the room. I still do not know how that happened.
We did the blood test and drove home, excited that in ten days, we would know the sex of the baby!
Week 9 Ultrasound
Upon the completion of my seven week ultrasound, my fertility center reminded me that we needed a nine week ultrasound. I called the OB clinic to set up the appointment and sent over the order form only to receive a phone call a day or two prior to the appointment.
"Hello, I am calling about the appointment you have. Why do you need another ultrasound?"
"I have an IVF baby and my fertility center wanted me to have two ultrasounds two weeks apart to ensure the beginning stages of the pregnancy are progressing like they should be."
"Well your doctor looked at the scans and she doesn't think there's an extenuating circumstance that would require one this week."
"Could I still have one done?"
"Because she doesn't think you need one, your insurance wouldn't pay for it."
"I understand. This is important to me and I do have an outside order for it. We are willing to pay for the ultrasound out of pocket if needed."
"Well, our ultrasound tech is actually out of the office for a couple of weeks. She broke her foot and is unable to come in."
"Is there another place I could send the order form to in order to have this ultrasound this week?"
"We have another office [an hour and a half away from where you live]. That's where we are sending everyone right now. They can probably take you, but because it is an out-of-state order, I cannot guarantee anything."
"Okay. Thanks." (No thanks.)
I quickly texted my husband to ask for his opinion. He said we should either use the fertility center here that has saved us so many times or just cancel the second ultrasound. I quickly called the fertility center. The woman on the other line was terrific and said the doctor could squeeze me in that same day in 50 minutes (we live 90 minutes away). We scheduled an appointment for 10:00 the following day.
As we drove up to the fertility center the next morning, I realized as we were past the point of no return that I had left the order form at home! We arrived at the center and after a few frantic unanswered calls at my own fertility center, I took matters into my own hands. I signed up for a free fax service online and sent the pdf order as a fax from my phone. The marvels of modern technology! It went through one to two minutes after we were called back to do the ultrasound.
In the room for the ultrasound, we had a tech that we have met once or twice before. The fertility doctor himself came in along with an OB. We once again praised this fertility doctor up and down for his willingness to work with patients that are not his own. The technician did the scan and the baby looked perfect! The baby was measuring exactly where he/she should and everything looked great. The fertility doctor kept asking if we needed anything else from him, but we were just happy to hear the heartbeat again and see our growing little one.
I received a few more pictures of our newest addition and we all enjoyed the not insignificant car ride to and from the center.
"Hello, I am calling about the appointment you have. Why do you need another ultrasound?"
"I have an IVF baby and my fertility center wanted me to have two ultrasounds two weeks apart to ensure the beginning stages of the pregnancy are progressing like they should be."
"Well your doctor looked at the scans and she doesn't think there's an extenuating circumstance that would require one this week."
"Could I still have one done?"
"Because she doesn't think you need one, your insurance wouldn't pay for it."
"I understand. This is important to me and I do have an outside order for it. We are willing to pay for the ultrasound out of pocket if needed."
"Well, our ultrasound tech is actually out of the office for a couple of weeks. She broke her foot and is unable to come in."
"Is there another place I could send the order form to in order to have this ultrasound this week?"
"We have another office [an hour and a half away from where you live]. That's where we are sending everyone right now. They can probably take you, but because it is an out-of-state order, I cannot guarantee anything."
"Okay. Thanks." (No thanks.)
I quickly texted my husband to ask for his opinion. He said we should either use the fertility center here that has saved us so many times or just cancel the second ultrasound. I quickly called the fertility center. The woman on the other line was terrific and said the doctor could squeeze me in that same day in 50 minutes (we live 90 minutes away). We scheduled an appointment for 10:00 the following day.
As we drove up to the fertility center the next morning, I realized as we were past the point of no return that I had left the order form at home! We arrived at the center and after a few frantic unanswered calls at my own fertility center, I took matters into my own hands. I signed up for a free fax service online and sent the pdf order as a fax from my phone. The marvels of modern technology! It went through one to two minutes after we were called back to do the ultrasound.
In the room for the ultrasound, we had a tech that we have met once or twice before. The fertility doctor himself came in along with an OB. We once again praised this fertility doctor up and down for his willingness to work with patients that are not his own. The technician did the scan and the baby looked perfect! The baby was measuring exactly where he/she should and everything looked great. The fertility doctor kept asking if we needed anything else from him, but we were just happy to hear the heartbeat again and see our growing little one.
I received a few more pictures of our newest addition and we all enjoyed the not insignificant car ride to and from the center.
Why I still can't do baby showers
This summer, I was invited to my first non-family baby shower that I was able to go to post move. It was for a sweet friend of mine and my daughter adores her boys so I was happy to go.
I quickly learned that I had made a mistake when the women present started going around in a circle telling humorous anecdotes about their labor and delivery experiences.
It caused sorrowful feelings to resurface that I had not felt in quite a while.
I do not share my daughter's birth story very frequently. If I do, it goes something like this:
I made it to the hospital at 12:30 and she was born just after 4:00 with around 15 minutes of pushing.
Simple. Minimal. Not very detailed.
When I think back to that day, I remember such special, sacred moments. Even when I was at my worst, I asked the midwife to look into the epidural and was later told the anesthesiologist would not give me one due to the blood thinners I took. I still smile. I cherish bringing my daughter into this world. My point of view for my daughter's birth is dramatically different than how other women view births, and that's okay.
Even though I get to spend time with my beautiful daughter, infertility will always be a huge part of my life. Once our next child is born, I will still feel some intermittent sorrow when I hear a baby announcement. I will still keep track of how old our miscarried children would be had they been viable pregnancies. I will occasionally ponder how old our child would be had we been able to conceive at the very beginning of our marriage. However, I think about these things peacefully (in general) now and do not need a baby shower to rip ugly old emotions to the forefront of my brain.
I will not make an appearance at a baby shower in the near future. This is my current boundary and I very much support myself in this decision.
I quickly learned that I had made a mistake when the women present started going around in a circle telling humorous anecdotes about their labor and delivery experiences.
It caused sorrowful feelings to resurface that I had not felt in quite a while.
I do not share my daughter's birth story very frequently. If I do, it goes something like this:
I made it to the hospital at 12:30 and she was born just after 4:00 with around 15 minutes of pushing.
Simple. Minimal. Not very detailed.
When I think back to that day, I remember such special, sacred moments. Even when I was at my worst, I asked the midwife to look into the epidural and was later told the anesthesiologist would not give me one due to the blood thinners I took. I still smile. I cherish bringing my daughter into this world. My point of view for my daughter's birth is dramatically different than how other women view births, and that's okay.
Even though I get to spend time with my beautiful daughter, infertility will always be a huge part of my life. Once our next child is born, I will still feel some intermittent sorrow when I hear a baby announcement. I will still keep track of how old our miscarried children would be had they been viable pregnancies. I will occasionally ponder how old our child would be had we been able to conceive at the very beginning of our marriage. However, I think about these things peacefully (in general) now and do not need a baby shower to rip ugly old emotions to the forefront of my brain.
I will not make an appearance at a baby shower in the near future. This is my current boundary and I very much support myself in this decision.
19 October, 2019
First Ultrasound
My next step, after having two positive blood draws, was to have my first ultrasound! Shortly after moving to our new location in the Midwest last year, we decided that the local hospital's labor and delivery section did not sound like a place that would mesh well with our ideal labor, delivery, and recovery. The problem? The local hospital is around 15 minutes away and there are only a few hospitals within an hour of our little home.
We did a decent amount of research to determine which hospital would be a good fit. We chose one, an hour away, that has beautiful labor, delivery, and recovery rooms (I will stay in one room the entire stay) and has a midwife that can deliver there.
We called the office and set up an appointment for the initial visit. Just like all the other doctor offices we have worked with here, they were confused about any special requests we had because of the IVF. ("You want an early ultrasound? I don't know if we can do that..." After being on hold for half an hour, it was determined they can do that.)
We set the appointment for a Thursday morning and got excited to see a wiggling baby and hear the heartbeat.
The morning of the appointment arrived on September 12. We thankfully arrived without much traffic and signed in. As I sat peacefully in the waiting room, my toddler started getting antsy so she wandered over to hang out at the fish tank. It was an interesting setup for a doctor's office waiting room. Not only were there OBGYN patients, but the waiting room was also shared with a pediatrics office and a regular family medicine practice.
As we waited (and waited and waited), I overheard the receptionist talking with a patient that the ultrasound machine was currently not working. At that point, I was feeling as though nothing about this pregnancy was going to be easy. I was hoping that they would fix it before it was my appointment time.
After we waited for close to an hour, I was called back. The nurse that did my initial appointment was a delight. She took the usual information about health history and family health history. ("You have how many siblings? Give me a minute... I need to add them one at a time.")
She gave my daughter a container of bubbles and had a coloring book and crayons ready for her to use. We really enjoyed chatting with her. We were all having such a delightful time that after we were done with business, we all agreed to stay in her office and chat while we waited for my ultrasound appointment.
Fifteen minutes later, we got to see the baby! He/She was adorable! I forgot how different they look when you have an early ultrasound (7 weeks). My daughter was really excited until we actually saw the baby and then she became very confused.
Seeing a baby on an ultrasound is the best feeling ever. So far with this pregnancy, I have not been feeling quite as anxious as with my daughter's pregnancy. I am unsure why. I am definitely in a better place right now than I was sooner. I have also had a successful pregnancy, so I might just be more confident because of that.
We finished the appointment and I had to go down a few doors to their phlebotomist. (Before we moved, every medical clinic we visited had a phlebotomist in office. Here, I have not seen many medical offices that have their own phlebotomist. It gets a little frustrating.)
After waiting 20 minutes, I had given 9 vials of blood and we headed home.
We did a decent amount of research to determine which hospital would be a good fit. We chose one, an hour away, that has beautiful labor, delivery, and recovery rooms (I will stay in one room the entire stay) and has a midwife that can deliver there.
We called the office and set up an appointment for the initial visit. Just like all the other doctor offices we have worked with here, they were confused about any special requests we had because of the IVF. ("You want an early ultrasound? I don't know if we can do that..." After being on hold for half an hour, it was determined they can do that.)
We set the appointment for a Thursday morning and got excited to see a wiggling baby and hear the heartbeat.
The morning of the appointment arrived on September 12. We thankfully arrived without much traffic and signed in. As I sat peacefully in the waiting room, my toddler started getting antsy so she wandered over to hang out at the fish tank. It was an interesting setup for a doctor's office waiting room. Not only were there OBGYN patients, but the waiting room was also shared with a pediatrics office and a regular family medicine practice.
As we waited (and waited and waited), I overheard the receptionist talking with a patient that the ultrasound machine was currently not working. At that point, I was feeling as though nothing about this pregnancy was going to be easy. I was hoping that they would fix it before it was my appointment time.
After we waited for close to an hour, I was called back. The nurse that did my initial appointment was a delight. She took the usual information about health history and family health history. ("You have how many siblings? Give me a minute... I need to add them one at a time.")
She gave my daughter a container of bubbles and had a coloring book and crayons ready for her to use. We really enjoyed chatting with her. We were all having such a delightful time that after we were done with business, we all agreed to stay in her office and chat while we waited for my ultrasound appointment.
Fifteen minutes later, we got to see the baby! He/She was adorable! I forgot how different they look when you have an early ultrasound (7 weeks). My daughter was really excited until we actually saw the baby and then she became very confused.
Seeing a baby on an ultrasound is the best feeling ever. So far with this pregnancy, I have not been feeling quite as anxious as with my daughter's pregnancy. I am unsure why. I am definitely in a better place right now than I was sooner. I have also had a successful pregnancy, so I might just be more confident because of that.
We finished the appointment and I had to go down a few doors to their phlebotomist. (Before we moved, every medical clinic we visited had a phlebotomist in office. Here, I have not seen many medical offices that have their own phlebotomist. It gets a little frustrating.)
After waiting 20 minutes, I had given 9 vials of blood and we headed home.
23 September, 2019
Beta HCG FET #1
(Originally written on Tuesday August 20, 2019)
The date for my schedule beta HCG blood test was Monday August 19, 2019. My nerves were in check until Sunday night. We had a couple of friends over for dinner and as soon as they left, I was fretting like crazy.
Monday morning, we left our home to arrive at a local medical center at 8:00. They gave me sign in information so I could look up the results online. We thought this would be best to be able to look up the results as soon as possible.
As they were putting the bandage on, I inquired how long the results would take to arrive. I was told that the HCG would take a matter of an hour or two, but the progesterone and estrogen levels needed to be sent to a lab ninety minutes away. They would be processed by the end of the day. Not a problem.
When we arrived home, we ran into technical difficulties. We tried to access my online account for the health care system that did the blood draw. We wanted to find out as quickly as possible! After an hour of looking up information and calling unhelpful account representatives, we gave up. A lady told us we had done too many things wrong and she would send my information to technical support to solve.
I could not get my mind off the blood draw. With my daughter's transfer, I took several pregnancy tests, so while I was nervous the day of the draw, I would have been shocked if the results had been negative. With this blood draw, I was going off the faith of my husband who was confident that I would receive a positive result.
We called my clinic once or twice to ask if the results had been received, but nothing had been sent.
I finally turned to him and told him I needed to get out of the house. I gave him two dramatic road trip options (one to a zoo 3.5 hours away and the other to an eclectic grocery store 2.5 hours away). After a false start (the husband was too drowsy and we saw a four car accident happen right in front of us so we returned home for a nap), we headed out at around 1:00. We arrived at Jungle Jim's Grocery store just in time to shop for a couple of hours.
We had fun cruising around the store. There were so many fun things to look at and we were overwhelmed by the number of options. I called the clinic one last time. They still did not have the fax and their front office was closing soon.
"What time does the last person leave that would be able to call me if the results came in?"
I was told 9:00 in my time zone.
We had a very disappointing dinner and hit the road to come back home. As the minutes ticked by, I stopped looking after 9:00 hit. I was giving myself a pep talk and came to grips with the fact that I would not know until the following day.
"Do you want me to stop at a CVS?"
The nine most beautiful words of the day spoken by my husband.
When we were less than an hour from home, he stopped to purchase a pregnancy test at a CVS.
I waited until we got home and put our very sleepy toddler to bed. (I don't think she woke up the entire time I got her out of her car seat, carried her inside, and placed her in her bed.)
Then I took the test.
I started crying as I waited. The emotional buildup was over. I would finally know, one way or the other. The sense of relief was very intense.
My wait was very short. After only about thirty seconds, a very positive result appeared.
My husband came in and saw me crying. I am a big crier. You never know the cause of my crying.
The rest of the night before going to bed, he reminded me approximately 30 times that I was pregnant.
The next morning, there was a flurry of phone calls between us and the clinic that did my blood draw. Once my fertility clinic opened, I started calling and emailing them.
My amazing coordinator finally called.
"Do you have a minute?"
My heart dropped. Even with a positive pregnancy test, you still want a strong number. If the number is under 5, you are not pregnant. If it is between 5 and 25, it's a chemical pregnancy. If the number is between 25 and 100, you are pregnant, but we would be very cautious. If the number was above 100, I would be good to go.
An at-home pregnancy test can pick up very low levels. I was worried what her question meant.
"Well, you're pregnant! The number was 444. Congratulations!"
My heart started beating again.
We chatted about the blood draw I need to do again next week to make sure the pregnancy is still progressing the way it should and the ultrasound I should have done in just a few weeks.
The date for my schedule beta HCG blood test was Monday August 19, 2019. My nerves were in check until Sunday night. We had a couple of friends over for dinner and as soon as they left, I was fretting like crazy.
Monday morning, we left our home to arrive at a local medical center at 8:00. They gave me sign in information so I could look up the results online. We thought this would be best to be able to look up the results as soon as possible.
As they were putting the bandage on, I inquired how long the results would take to arrive. I was told that the HCG would take a matter of an hour or two, but the progesterone and estrogen levels needed to be sent to a lab ninety minutes away. They would be processed by the end of the day. Not a problem.
When we arrived home, we ran into technical difficulties. We tried to access my online account for the health care system that did the blood draw. We wanted to find out as quickly as possible! After an hour of looking up information and calling unhelpful account representatives, we gave up. A lady told us we had done too many things wrong and she would send my information to technical support to solve.
I could not get my mind off the blood draw. With my daughter's transfer, I took several pregnancy tests, so while I was nervous the day of the draw, I would have been shocked if the results had been negative. With this blood draw, I was going off the faith of my husband who was confident that I would receive a positive result.
We called my clinic once or twice to ask if the results had been received, but nothing had been sent.
I finally turned to him and told him I needed to get out of the house. I gave him two dramatic road trip options (one to a zoo 3.5 hours away and the other to an eclectic grocery store 2.5 hours away). After a false start (the husband was too drowsy and we saw a four car accident happen right in front of us so we returned home for a nap), we headed out at around 1:00. We arrived at Jungle Jim's Grocery store just in time to shop for a couple of hours.
We had fun cruising around the store. There were so many fun things to look at and we were overwhelmed by the number of options. I called the clinic one last time. They still did not have the fax and their front office was closing soon.
"What time does the last person leave that would be able to call me if the results came in?"
I was told 9:00 in my time zone.
We had a very disappointing dinner and hit the road to come back home. As the minutes ticked by, I stopped looking after 9:00 hit. I was giving myself a pep talk and came to grips with the fact that I would not know until the following day.
"Do you want me to stop at a CVS?"
The nine most beautiful words of the day spoken by my husband.
When we were less than an hour from home, he stopped to purchase a pregnancy test at a CVS.
I waited until we got home and put our very sleepy toddler to bed. (I don't think she woke up the entire time I got her out of her car seat, carried her inside, and placed her in her bed.)
Then I took the test.
I started crying as I waited. The emotional buildup was over. I would finally know, one way or the other. The sense of relief was very intense.
My wait was very short. After only about thirty seconds, a very positive result appeared.
My husband came in and saw me crying. I am a big crier. You never know the cause of my crying.
The rest of the night before going to bed, he reminded me approximately 30 times that I was pregnant.
The next morning, there was a flurry of phone calls between us and the clinic that did my blood draw. Once my fertility clinic opened, I started calling and emailing them.
My amazing coordinator finally called.
"Do you have a minute?"
My heart dropped. Even with a positive pregnancy test, you still want a strong number. If the number is under 5, you are not pregnant. If it is between 5 and 25, it's a chemical pregnancy. If the number is between 25 and 100, you are pregnant, but we would be very cautious. If the number was above 100, I would be good to go.
An at-home pregnancy test can pick up very low levels. I was worried what her question meant.
"Well, you're pregnant! The number was 444. Congratulations!"
My heart started beating again.
We chatted about the blood draw I need to do again next week to make sure the pregnancy is still progressing the way it should and the ultrasound I should have done in just a few weeks.
18 August, 2019
A letter to my embryo
To my microscopic baby,
I adore you. I have two pictures of you and one of them is on my nightstand. I like to gaze at your not-quite-hydrated little being and marvel at how amazing you are. The RE told me you looked nice and plump right before I became pregnant with you and you were as perfect as perfect could be. I was so relieved when I heard that you had survived the thawing process. Not every blastocyst does.
I already consider you part of our family. No matter what the results of the blood draw are tomorrow, you are mine. I am so thankful for a religion that tells me that you are and always will be my baby.
Your father is convinced I am pregnant with you and I have a cautious optimism. You are a fighter. There are so many friends and family members rooting for you and I can feel their love and support. If you are meant to be, you are so lucky that you have so many people backing your existence. You are fortuitous that you have a mother and father that love each other dearly and an older sister who knows that her mommy has a baby, but doesn't quite get the difference between her baby doll and her mother's pregnancy. Your sister has been working on lullabies lately. Right before her nap, she raucously rocked her baby doll while enthusiastically singing "Baby Shark." If that's not something to look forward to, I don't know what is.
I can promise you that if you are born into our family, you will be so loved. The closer it gets to the blood draw, the less I want to do it because the more brokenhearted I will be if the results are negative. I have tried not to be as invested in this cycle. I gave more than I had emotionally to get your sister to this earth. However, I realized I cannot go through this cycle like it is simply the medical procedure it appears to be on the outside. Even though you were frozen in a lab with your brothers and sisters up until nine days ago, you are my baby and I am invested in you.
You are loved. You are special to me.
I adore you. I have two pictures of you and one of them is on my nightstand. I like to gaze at your not-quite-hydrated little being and marvel at how amazing you are. The RE told me you looked nice and plump right before I became pregnant with you and you were as perfect as perfect could be. I was so relieved when I heard that you had survived the thawing process. Not every blastocyst does.
I already consider you part of our family. No matter what the results of the blood draw are tomorrow, you are mine. I am so thankful for a religion that tells me that you are and always will be my baby.
Your father is convinced I am pregnant with you and I have a cautious optimism. You are a fighter. There are so many friends and family members rooting for you and I can feel their love and support. If you are meant to be, you are so lucky that you have so many people backing your existence. You are fortuitous that you have a mother and father that love each other dearly and an older sister who knows that her mommy has a baby, but doesn't quite get the difference between her baby doll and her mother's pregnancy. Your sister has been working on lullabies lately. Right before her nap, she raucously rocked her baby doll while enthusiastically singing "Baby Shark." If that's not something to look forward to, I don't know what is.
I can promise you that if you are born into our family, you will be so loved. The closer it gets to the blood draw, the less I want to do it because the more brokenhearted I will be if the results are negative. I have tried not to be as invested in this cycle. I gave more than I had emotionally to get your sister to this earth. However, I realized I cannot go through this cycle like it is simply the medical procedure it appears to be on the outside. Even though you were frozen in a lab with your brothers and sisters up until nine days ago, you are my baby and I am invested in you.
You are loved. You are special to me.
10 August, 2019
Transfer Day!
It's been a while! Let's get caught up. I had my final blood draw one week prior to the transfer (August 2). I received a call to tell me that everything looks great now! They instructed me to start on the PIO (progesterone in oil) injections as planned. I was ecstatic that the last hurtle had been crossed. I knew that unless something major happened, I would be able to do the transfer if that last blood draw came back with shining results.
Sunday August 3, we started the PIO shots. We found a great tutorial online to help us know exactly what to do with the shots. (If I had been in town for longer, my clinic would have given us a shot class so we could have learned in-person. This video was so good that both my husband and myself felt confident going into the first shot.) I am so grateful for technology so that we not only have this blessing of having children, but that we can watch a nurse demonstrate the best way to administer an intramuscular shot online.
We followed the instructions to a T. It has been a while since I have done any sort of shot (the morning of my daughter's birth). I took the fat needle and pierced it into the vial of progesterone in oil. I tipped the whole thing upside-down and drew out slightly more than 1 ml of oil. Flick the syringe so that all the little air bubbles merge at the top of the syringe and push out all the air and excess oil so that precisely 1 ml of PIO remains in the vial. Remove the syringe from the bottle and replace the grossly over sized needle with a still-large but not as terrifying looking needle. Then you get the inject it. I haven't iced the area or used a warm pack at any point. I am somewhat sore, especially as the day proceeds. We switch sides every day so one side is always slightly worse than the other.
August 9, 2019 will be a day I will always look back on with love, no matter what the outcome is of this transfer.
We had a very relaxing morning. We went to Trader Joe's to grab the food to help us last the rest of our trip and headed to a local mall's toy store. We wandered around the store and eventually bought our toddler five little animal figurines. On the way back to the car, she begged us to play in a little splash pad area. She and I had fun running through the fountains of water. Because some of the fountains had random intervals in which they would shoot out water, we were both taken by surprise a couple of times and ended up wetter than was expected.
We got back home, put our daughter down for her nap, and I tried to relax. My husband offered to give me a blessing. It was a gorgeous blessing. I felt peace and comfort. We were both very emotional by the end of the blessing. I have been trying my hardest not to get emotionally drawn into this round of IVF. I emotionally invested myself as much as possible on the road to having our daughter and I knew it was not healthy. I have not been a pessimist about this FET, I have just been a realist. A FET is not a guaranteed way to conceive a baby. The stats are higher than natural conceptions and IUIs, but it is not 100%. (My doctor gave me close to a 70% chance for the rest of my embryos.) I am in a much better place emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually this time around, but that doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of IVF.
I have been surrounded by loving people. I was in awe by all the unsolicited and loving texts and calls I have received. I have not divulged the true reason for making a visit home to most of our friends in the mid-west. One of them gave me a hug the last time I saw her before the trip and said some words of encouragement. I had told so many people that we were just taking a trip to visit family that I was taken by surprise and it took a second for me to change my mindset. Another friend texted me right before we left. She said just the right thing that I needed to hear that day. Someone else texted me the morning of with once again, a heart-melting message.
This feeling of love and warmth should be something that everyone feels.
After I was showered and ready to go (wearing the same shirt I did on the last embryo transfer day), we packed up the car, and dropped our daughter off at my brother's house. There was a small family shin-dig going on with ten of her cousins and four adults. She immediately gravitated towards the little play kitchen. She hugged and kissed us both as we were leaving. (Side note: A few days before the transfer, my husband and I were prepping my daughter about the day by telling her that we were going to leave her with her cousins. She turned to us and said, "And Mama get a baby!" Talk about a two-year-old picking up on more than you give her credit for.)
During the last transfer, my bladder was too full (in my opinion) and the transfer just felt like two people were pushing on my bladder in two different directions. This time, I sipped on bits of water once we were on our way to the clinic for the procedure. I estimate I drank around 8-12 ounces. It was the perfect amount this time.
We arrived at our clinic at 3:54. We were checked in by a cheerful receptionist and I was handed a green wrist band. "Is this for the ride I get to take later on?" It took the receptionist a second, but for the rest of the time checking in, we made puns about and likened the procedure to a roller coaster ride. "You can take your Valium now. That will really help the ride get going!"
I don't remember the Valium doing much for me last time, but this time, I felt slightly tipsy. When our nurse (Heidi) came back to get us, I needed support to walk straight. We headed to the same room that I became pregnant with our daughter and got comfortable. We, once again, received some good luck socks. These ones were not as cute as the Superman socks last time.
Shortly after I was ready, our doctor came in! We had not seen her since our last transfer. We adore this woman. (She also commented on the socks.) Very quickly, we were all ready to go. The embryologist showed our name written on a screen in the lab and zoomed in on the embryo. We watched a catheter grab the little embryo and it was brought into our room. Our doctor quickly did a practice run, showing us where on my lining she was going to place the perfect little embryo.
I relaxed for around ten more minutes as the nurse came back in with a sheet of instructions. After waiting another minute, I got dressed and we slowly meandered out.
That evening, we enjoyed pizza and The Emperor's New Grove. It was a glorious day!
Sunday August 3, we started the PIO shots. We found a great tutorial online to help us know exactly what to do with the shots. (If I had been in town for longer, my clinic would have given us a shot class so we could have learned in-person. This video was so good that both my husband and myself felt confident going into the first shot.) I am so grateful for technology so that we not only have this blessing of having children, but that we can watch a nurse demonstrate the best way to administer an intramuscular shot online.
We followed the instructions to a T. It has been a while since I have done any sort of shot (the morning of my daughter's birth). I took the fat needle and pierced it into the vial of progesterone in oil. I tipped the whole thing upside-down and drew out slightly more than 1 ml of oil. Flick the syringe so that all the little air bubbles merge at the top of the syringe and push out all the air and excess oil so that precisely 1 ml of PIO remains in the vial. Remove the syringe from the bottle and replace the grossly over sized needle with a still-large but not as terrifying looking needle. Then you get the inject it. I haven't iced the area or used a warm pack at any point. I am somewhat sore, especially as the day proceeds. We switch sides every day so one side is always slightly worse than the other.
August 9, 2019 will be a day I will always look back on with love, no matter what the outcome is of this transfer.
We had a very relaxing morning. We went to Trader Joe's to grab the food to help us last the rest of our trip and headed to a local mall's toy store. We wandered around the store and eventually bought our toddler five little animal figurines. On the way back to the car, she begged us to play in a little splash pad area. She and I had fun running through the fountains of water. Because some of the fountains had random intervals in which they would shoot out water, we were both taken by surprise a couple of times and ended up wetter than was expected.
We got back home, put our daughter down for her nap, and I tried to relax. My husband offered to give me a blessing. It was a gorgeous blessing. I felt peace and comfort. We were both very emotional by the end of the blessing. I have been trying my hardest not to get emotionally drawn into this round of IVF. I emotionally invested myself as much as possible on the road to having our daughter and I knew it was not healthy. I have not been a pessimist about this FET, I have just been a realist. A FET is not a guaranteed way to conceive a baby. The stats are higher than natural conceptions and IUIs, but it is not 100%. (My doctor gave me close to a 70% chance for the rest of my embryos.) I am in a much better place emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually this time around, but that doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of IVF.
I have been surrounded by loving people. I was in awe by all the unsolicited and loving texts and calls I have received. I have not divulged the true reason for making a visit home to most of our friends in the mid-west. One of them gave me a hug the last time I saw her before the trip and said some words of encouragement. I had told so many people that we were just taking a trip to visit family that I was taken by surprise and it took a second for me to change my mindset. Another friend texted me right before we left. She said just the right thing that I needed to hear that day. Someone else texted me the morning of with once again, a heart-melting message.
This feeling of love and warmth should be something that everyone feels.
After I was showered and ready to go (wearing the same shirt I did on the last embryo transfer day), we packed up the car, and dropped our daughter off at my brother's house. There was a small family shin-dig going on with ten of her cousins and four adults. She immediately gravitated towards the little play kitchen. She hugged and kissed us both as we were leaving. (Side note: A few days before the transfer, my husband and I were prepping my daughter about the day by telling her that we were going to leave her with her cousins. She turned to us and said, "And Mama get a baby!" Talk about a two-year-old picking up on more than you give her credit for.)
During the last transfer, my bladder was too full (in my opinion) and the transfer just felt like two people were pushing on my bladder in two different directions. This time, I sipped on bits of water once we were on our way to the clinic for the procedure. I estimate I drank around 8-12 ounces. It was the perfect amount this time.
We arrived at our clinic at 3:54. We were checked in by a cheerful receptionist and I was handed a green wrist band. "Is this for the ride I get to take later on?" It took the receptionist a second, but for the rest of the time checking in, we made puns about and likened the procedure to a roller coaster ride. "You can take your Valium now. That will really help the ride get going!"
I don't remember the Valium doing much for me last time, but this time, I felt slightly tipsy. When our nurse (Heidi) came back to get us, I needed support to walk straight. We headed to the same room that I became pregnant with our daughter and got comfortable. We, once again, received some good luck socks. These ones were not as cute as the Superman socks last time.
Shortly after I was ready, our doctor came in! We had not seen her since our last transfer. We adore this woman. (She also commented on the socks.) Very quickly, we were all ready to go. The embryologist showed our name written on a screen in the lab and zoomed in on the embryo. We watched a catheter grab the little embryo and it was brought into our room. Our doctor quickly did a practice run, showing us where on my lining she was going to place the perfect little embryo.
And just like that, we saw a small little blob of white pushed to my lining. The embryologist grabbed the catheter and brought it back to the lab to ensure our little one didn't try to make a home in the catheter. She came back after minute and said we were good to go! You probably cannot tell in the picture below, but next to my lining is a circle. Inside the circle is a little splash of white. That white is not the embryo, but air bubbles that were place in next to the embryo so we could see where he/she was placed.
I relaxed for around ten more minutes as the nurse came back in with a sheet of instructions. After waiting another minute, I got dressed and we slowly meandered out.
That evening, we enjoyed pizza and The Emperor's New Grove. It was a glorious day!
27 July, 2019
Ultrasound
Yesterday, I had my second ultrasound for my FET. We once again woke up early and made it to our clinic a little earlier. Their office was open when we arrived at 8:20, so we were able to walk right in and have a seat. We were called back very quickly, doing the ultrasound first. My daughter held my hand again as I got ready for the examination of my uterus. I love that tradition that my husband started. It's so sweet.
The ultrasound only took a few minutes. The tech measured my largest follicles on each side to check for cysts and measured my lining. The lining is split into three sections which is what you want your lining to look like when you have an embryo implanted. The thickness was 9 mm. That is just about perfect for the measurement.
I did the blood draw and we paid on the way out. I was very glad we arrived early when we saw the waiting room. The clinic doing our outside monitoring instructs all the girls doing a monitoring ultrasound to show up at 8:30 and it's first come, first served. They had pulled back another girl while we were doing an ultrasound. In the waiting room, we saw around six other ladies. They all showed up by 8:45. If we have to do another FET soon, I am definitely showing up before 8:30 again/
Last night, we received the call from our own RE clinic. My E2 (estrogen) levels were not as high as they wanted at this point in the process. I was only measuring at 176. My facilitator asked me to up my dosage of estrace to 3 pills twice a day. We had guests, so I did not get into a discussion about what the ideal level of E2 would be right now. As soon as our guests left, I pulled out my phone and started madly Googling. It sounds as though clinics are all over the place in terms of where they want the E2 level to be at the time of implantation. Some want to level to be above 250. Apparently there was a study done that showed the greatest success of a FET was when the E2 level was at around 300. (I have yet to read that specific study myself.) Some clinics want the E2 level to be 400-500.
I panicked slightly until I read that there are other types of estrogen (vaginal suppositories and patches) that can also increase your estrogen levels more quickly. Once I read that, I calmed down. I also took comfort in the fact that my clinic did not ask me to do a blood draw between now and my next one (the last one before the transfer).
I did ask my facilitator to send a letter from my RE giving permission to travel with needles on the plane. I have traveled once before with needles and the TSA agents did not even care about the syringes I had. I carefully pulled them out of my luggage with the note from the doctor on top, but they didn't even glance at them.
Next step? My little family flies to my home state. We have one last blood draw in six days and the FET in thirteen days! Our flight home is four days after the transfer, so we have a bit of wiggle room if they need to change to date slightly.
The ultrasound only took a few minutes. The tech measured my largest follicles on each side to check for cysts and measured my lining. The lining is split into three sections which is what you want your lining to look like when you have an embryo implanted. The thickness was 9 mm. That is just about perfect for the measurement.
I did the blood draw and we paid on the way out. I was very glad we arrived early when we saw the waiting room. The clinic doing our outside monitoring instructs all the girls doing a monitoring ultrasound to show up at 8:30 and it's first come, first served. They had pulled back another girl while we were doing an ultrasound. In the waiting room, we saw around six other ladies. They all showed up by 8:45. If we have to do another FET soon, I am definitely showing up before 8:30 again/
Last night, we received the call from our own RE clinic. My E2 (estrogen) levels were not as high as they wanted at this point in the process. I was only measuring at 176. My facilitator asked me to up my dosage of estrace to 3 pills twice a day. We had guests, so I did not get into a discussion about what the ideal level of E2 would be right now. As soon as our guests left, I pulled out my phone and started madly Googling. It sounds as though clinics are all over the place in terms of where they want the E2 level to be at the time of implantation. Some want to level to be above 250. Apparently there was a study done that showed the greatest success of a FET was when the E2 level was at around 300. (I have yet to read that specific study myself.) Some clinics want the E2 level to be 400-500.
I panicked slightly until I read that there are other types of estrogen (vaginal suppositories and patches) that can also increase your estrogen levels more quickly. Once I read that, I calmed down. I also took comfort in the fact that my clinic did not ask me to do a blood draw between now and my next one (the last one before the transfer).
I did ask my facilitator to send a letter from my RE giving permission to travel with needles on the plane. I have traveled once before with needles and the TSA agents did not even care about the syringes I had. I carefully pulled them out of my luggage with the note from the doctor on top, but they didn't even glance at them.
Next step? My little family flies to my home state. We have one last blood draw in six days and the FET in thirteen days! Our flight home is four days after the transfer, so we have a bit of wiggle room if they need to change to date slightly.
17 July, 2019
Baseline Ultrasound
Yesterday, my family and I were out the door at 6:45 to embark on the ninety minute drive to our RE's clinic for the baseline ultrasound. It started getting exciting for me! I was stoked that this is the first official ultrasound for my FET. One of two.
We munched on our breakfast of peanut butter and honey sandwiches as we drove on meandering country roads, small country highways, and large interstates.
We arrived at the clinic's door at exactly 8:30. We were the first ones there and arrived moments before they opened the office. I was slightly surprised; these ultrasounds are first come, first served. They tell all the girls who need an ultrasound to show up at 8:30 and you wait until your turn comes up. I was very glad that we did not have to wait. It sounds as though this is not always the case. We happened to come on an off day. Usually, there are several girls that need ultrasounds. Next time, I think we will show up earlier.
We were summoned quickly.
I did the blood work first. I was handed a sperm-shaped stress ball to squeeze as they drew the blood. My daughter was more concerned about the bandage than the blood draw itself. From there, we moved to the ultrasound room.
As I sat on the examination table, my daughter automatically grabbed my hand in support. My husband taught her to hold my hand whenever I am receiving an ultrasound. I like this tradition. She takes her assignment very seriously. I held her on my lap for a minute so we could take pictures of the momentous occasion. She knew that something would appear on the monitor and was pointing out where it was before the technician came in.
I really like this technician. We chatted throughout the scan. She measured my lining (looks nice and thin-what I want right now) and looked at each ovary. I have some pretty nice looking follicles on both sides. "Too bad those probably won't ever become your brothers and sisters." I mentioned to my daughter. The technician told us that she did not see any cysts. (I asked if there was a chance one would grow after this point so that we would have to cancel this round. She said no.)
It was around twenty minutes after we sat down in the waiting room that we paid our money and left.
We stopped at Trader Joe's to buy airplane snack and headed back home. As we drove home, I thought to myself that I needed to keep an eye on my phone all day. I assumed that I would receive a call from my clinic.
I quickly forgot that thought. We had some good friends over that evening. They have a couple of children that are pretty close in age to our daughter and the wife is due any day now with their third. It was exciting to talk to her and watch the kids play fairly independently.
I checked my phone after they left and saw two missed calls! The messages were from my IVF coordinator. She told me that she did not see the ultrasounds results anywhere. She asked if they had given it to me or if I was not able to make it to the scan. Yikes! The other missed call was an hour later. She said that the results looked great and I was given a thumbs up to start on Estrace today.
I will be taking two estrogen pills twice a day. It starts now and then if the pregnancy sticks, I will continue to take them for ten weeks post positive pregnancy test. I was told that they do not need to be spaced exactly 12 hours apart, but I do need to be pretty regular in the time I take them at morning at night. Because we are taking a trip that is two time zones away soon, I also need to take that into account.
On another happy note, I am done with birth control! Just like last month when I completed the active pills and started on the placebo, I feel so much better. Even being cognizant of the fact that I was a grump, I still struggled. Two days after I took my last pill, I felt great. I do not have to force myself to be happy anymore. I just feel automatically happy! I greatly enjoy being around people again. I don't have to bite my tongue all the time. I feel terrific.
We munched on our breakfast of peanut butter and honey sandwiches as we drove on meandering country roads, small country highways, and large interstates.
We arrived at the clinic's door at exactly 8:30. We were the first ones there and arrived moments before they opened the office. I was slightly surprised; these ultrasounds are first come, first served. They tell all the girls who need an ultrasound to show up at 8:30 and you wait until your turn comes up. I was very glad that we did not have to wait. It sounds as though this is not always the case. We happened to come on an off day. Usually, there are several girls that need ultrasounds. Next time, I think we will show up earlier.
We were summoned quickly.
I did the blood work first. I was handed a sperm-shaped stress ball to squeeze as they drew the blood. My daughter was more concerned about the bandage than the blood draw itself. From there, we moved to the ultrasound room.
As I sat on the examination table, my daughter automatically grabbed my hand in support. My husband taught her to hold my hand whenever I am receiving an ultrasound. I like this tradition. She takes her assignment very seriously. I held her on my lap for a minute so we could take pictures of the momentous occasion. She knew that something would appear on the monitor and was pointing out where it was before the technician came in.
I really like this technician. We chatted throughout the scan. She measured my lining (looks nice and thin-what I want right now) and looked at each ovary. I have some pretty nice looking follicles on both sides. "Too bad those probably won't ever become your brothers and sisters." I mentioned to my daughter. The technician told us that she did not see any cysts. (I asked if there was a chance one would grow after this point so that we would have to cancel this round. She said no.)
It was around twenty minutes after we sat down in the waiting room that we paid our money and left.
We stopped at Trader Joe's to buy airplane snack and headed back home. As we drove home, I thought to myself that I needed to keep an eye on my phone all day. I assumed that I would receive a call from my clinic.
I quickly forgot that thought. We had some good friends over that evening. They have a couple of children that are pretty close in age to our daughter and the wife is due any day now with their third. It was exciting to talk to her and watch the kids play fairly independently.
I checked my phone after they left and saw two missed calls! The messages were from my IVF coordinator. She told me that she did not see the ultrasounds results anywhere. She asked if they had given it to me or if I was not able to make it to the scan. Yikes! The other missed call was an hour later. She said that the results looked great and I was given a thumbs up to start on Estrace today.
I will be taking two estrogen pills twice a day. It starts now and then if the pregnancy sticks, I will continue to take them for ten weeks post positive pregnancy test. I was told that they do not need to be spaced exactly 12 hours apart, but I do need to be pretty regular in the time I take them at morning at night. Because we are taking a trip that is two time zones away soon, I also need to take that into account.
On another happy note, I am done with birth control! Just like last month when I completed the active pills and started on the placebo, I feel so much better. Even being cognizant of the fact that I was a grump, I still struggled. Two days after I took my last pill, I felt great. I do not have to force myself to be happy anymore. I just feel automatically happy! I greatly enjoy being around people again. I don't have to bite my tongue all the time. I feel terrific.
30 June, 2019
IVF FET August 2019
In Vitro Fertilization Frozen Embryo Transfer. Let's take a look at what that calendar looks like for me, shall we?
On my July calendar, I have finally reached the point where I can see the current day on the schedule! How awesome is that? I finally have all my meds for this round. I will take 13 more days of birth control, ending on the 12. I love how organized and easy to read the schedules are. I never have any questions or guesses on when I start each medication or even the time of day.
On the 12th, I switch from taking birth control to taking baby aspirin. Baby aspirin is nothing new to me. When we were being diagnosed with what our infertility problems were back in 2015, I was on baby aspirin for around 9 months. It is a very common medication to have women take that deal with infertility. I will take that up until I am a couple months pregnant (and it will be the only blood thinner I take the entire pregnancy)!
On the 16th, our bank account will have significantly less money than it has right now. My guess would be $6000. I will also make the 3 hour round trip visit to the reproductive endocrinologist to have my baseline ultrasound and a blood draw. This ultrasound is to check follicular development and check endometrial thickness. Basically the technician will measure how many follicles I have on each side that are equal to or greater than 10 mm and how thick my uterus lining is. They also check a couple other things.
The following day, I take 4 mg of Estrace twice daily. From my understanding, Estrace (and a similar medication, Estrodial) are forms of estrogen. They are prescribed to IVF FET because they help a woman's endometrium grow and prepare for a pregnancy. They're giving my lining a greater chance to get nice and thick.
"A meta-analysis published in Medicine looked at 11 studies involving estrogen supplementation plus progesterone as luteal phase support in those undergoing IVF. Researchers concluded that taking both progesterone and estrogen supplements during IVF treatment after egg retrieval was associated with a higher clinical pregnancy rate than progesterone alone."
On my July calendar, I have finally reached the point where I can see the current day on the schedule! How awesome is that? I finally have all my meds for this round. I will take 13 more days of birth control, ending on the 12. I love how organized and easy to read the schedules are. I never have any questions or guesses on when I start each medication or even the time of day.
On the 12th, I switch from taking birth control to taking baby aspirin. Baby aspirin is nothing new to me. When we were being diagnosed with what our infertility problems were back in 2015, I was on baby aspirin for around 9 months. It is a very common medication to have women take that deal with infertility. I will take that up until I am a couple months pregnant (and it will be the only blood thinner I take the entire pregnancy)!
On the 16th, our bank account will have significantly less money than it has right now. My guess would be $6000. I will also make the 3 hour round trip visit to the reproductive endocrinologist to have my baseline ultrasound and a blood draw. This ultrasound is to check follicular development and check endometrial thickness. Basically the technician will measure how many follicles I have on each side that are equal to or greater than 10 mm and how thick my uterus lining is. They also check a couple other things.
The following day, I take 4 mg of Estrace twice daily. From my understanding, Estrace (and a similar medication, Estrodial) are forms of estrogen. They are prescribed to IVF FET because they help a woman's endometrium grow and prepare for a pregnancy. They're giving my lining a greater chance to get nice and thick.
"A meta-analysis published in Medicine looked at 11 studies involving estrogen supplementation plus progesterone as luteal phase support in those undergoing IVF. Researchers concluded that taking both progesterone and estrogen supplements during IVF treatment after egg retrieval was associated with a higher clinical pregnancy rate than progesterone alone."
The side effects can include the following:
- Spotting or light vaginal bleeding
- An upset stomach, nausea, or vomiting
- Vaginal discharge or itching
- Weight gain
- Swelling or bloating
- Headaches
- Breast tenderness or pain
On July 26, I go in for my final ultrasound before the transfer. They are checking the same things for the second ultrasound.
Then August starts. One final blood draw checks not only the estradiol levels, but also my progesterone levels. I start the progesterone shots on August 4.
The dreaded shots.
The shots that have dozens of blog posts lamenting the pain and agony you endure with the shots.
The shots that have many women claiming if you don't do them the "right" way, you endure what can only be described as the feeling of having several marbles in your rear.
I need to do a little bit more research to figure out the best way for me to do these shots. I get to do them once a day in the morning starting on the 4th and continuing on for several weeks (assuming this round ends in a pregnancy). The shots--if you could not deduce by this point--are administered in your rear end. I have the needles and oil sitting tucked away. Whenever I happen to see them, I try to put them out of my mind. I am no stranger to needles and became great at giving myself shots twice a day for the entirety of my previous pregnancy, but those were not intramuscular. I may have had one intramuscular shot with my first round, but that was one shot, once.
August 5 I start a Z-Pack. No big deal. After going through a couple rounds of progesterone shots, I can do a pill a day for five days.
Then we reach August 9! The day I have been looking forward to for a couple years! The day I become pregnant and hope that the stars align and I stay pregnant.
I honestly did not understand the idea of PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) until recently. I thought it was just a gimmicky way for IVF girls to stay optimistic during the wait for the blood draw. I get it now. When that tiny embryo is placed inside me, I am pregnant. There is the tiniest speck of a human that I am housing. I really am pregnant at that moment. I think I will be much more emotional about the transfer this time around.
Last time, all I could think about was how badly I needed to use the bathroom after the technician was pressing on my very full bladder for what seemed like an eternity.
And then? I go home (or to my sister's house) and relax. I get to relax that day and the two following days. My clinic calls them "Princess Days." The idea is that I should not do anything to get my heart rate going. I know, I know. The idea of bed rest has really been discredited by the medical world, but if my doctor says rest, I will rest. I will do anything in my power to get the baby to stick. On one of the evenings, I think I get to have two of my sisters and a cousin over which I am really looking forward to. I am the most worried about my toddler. Hopefully she will be distracted enough by being surrounded by cousins and being in a fun new place that she won't care that Mom can't play with her.
That evening I start the progesterone in oil. This one is going to be a pain to take through the airport because it has to be refrigerated. I don't know what we are going to finagle, but we'll probably bring a cooler, dump the ice right before security, and then get ice at the other side. Because we are not checking any bags, I also get to bring needles through security. It will not be the first time I will do this (my grandmother passed away when I was a couple months pregnant and I needed to bring my heparin with me to the funeral), but I know I will be so nervous until we make it through security. They hopefully won't blink twice because who knows that I will do in an extremely hormonal state.
The pregnancy test will be on August 19. I need to find a clinic in my area that will do a blood pregnancy test for free. There has to be one, right?
That is my calendar for this round! I am most thankful that I have less than two weeks left of birth control, so hopefully I can get a hold on my hormones before the intense part of the process starts up.
Then August starts. One final blood draw checks not only the estradiol levels, but also my progesterone levels. I start the progesterone shots on August 4.
The dreaded shots.
The shots that have dozens of blog posts lamenting the pain and agony you endure with the shots.
The shots that have many women claiming if you don't do them the "right" way, you endure what can only be described as the feeling of having several marbles in your rear.
I need to do a little bit more research to figure out the best way for me to do these shots. I get to do them once a day in the morning starting on the 4th and continuing on for several weeks (assuming this round ends in a pregnancy). The shots--if you could not deduce by this point--are administered in your rear end. I have the needles and oil sitting tucked away. Whenever I happen to see them, I try to put them out of my mind. I am no stranger to needles and became great at giving myself shots twice a day for the entirety of my previous pregnancy, but those were not intramuscular. I may have had one intramuscular shot with my first round, but that was one shot, once.
August 5 I start a Z-Pack. No big deal. After going through a couple rounds of progesterone shots, I can do a pill a day for five days.
Then we reach August 9! The day I have been looking forward to for a couple years! The day I become pregnant and hope that the stars align and I stay pregnant.
I honestly did not understand the idea of PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) until recently. I thought it was just a gimmicky way for IVF girls to stay optimistic during the wait for the blood draw. I get it now. When that tiny embryo is placed inside me, I am pregnant. There is the tiniest speck of a human that I am housing. I really am pregnant at that moment. I think I will be much more emotional about the transfer this time around.
Last time, all I could think about was how badly I needed to use the bathroom after the technician was pressing on my very full bladder for what seemed like an eternity.
And then? I go home (or to my sister's house) and relax. I get to relax that day and the two following days. My clinic calls them "Princess Days." The idea is that I should not do anything to get my heart rate going. I know, I know. The idea of bed rest has really been discredited by the medical world, but if my doctor says rest, I will rest. I will do anything in my power to get the baby to stick. On one of the evenings, I think I get to have two of my sisters and a cousin over which I am really looking forward to. I am the most worried about my toddler. Hopefully she will be distracted enough by being surrounded by cousins and being in a fun new place that she won't care that Mom can't play with her.
That evening I start the progesterone in oil. This one is going to be a pain to take through the airport because it has to be refrigerated. I don't know what we are going to finagle, but we'll probably bring a cooler, dump the ice right before security, and then get ice at the other side. Because we are not checking any bags, I also get to bring needles through security. It will not be the first time I will do this (my grandmother passed away when I was a couple months pregnant and I needed to bring my heparin with me to the funeral), but I know I will be so nervous until we make it through security. They hopefully won't blink twice because who knows that I will do in an extremely hormonal state.
The pregnancy test will be on August 19. I need to find a clinic in my area that will do a blood pregnancy test for free. There has to be one, right?
That is my calendar for this round! I am most thankful that I have less than two weeks left of birth control, so hopefully I can get a hold on my hormones before the intense part of the process starts up.
28 June, 2019
Birth Control II
Grumpy. I am a grumpy person right now.
The littlest things set me off. I get angry when something hits my foot, my toddler whines, or I receive unsolicited advice. That's not me. I am supposed to be slow to anger, someone who can brush off almost anything. I should be ignoring the dropped blocks; laughing inside that my little girl both wants me to hold her, but doesn't want me to touch her; and privately rolling my eyes when I hear, "Well, I did this and if you did it also..."
I do not want to be around people because I am afraid they will irritate me.
I sound terrible, don't I?
This is the curse of birth control on my body. I need to be on birth control right now because they need to control the thickness of my lining so I can provide a nice, comfy, hopefully permanent resting spot for my little embryo. They need to make sure I am at the right place in my cycle before my next frozen baby finds a home inside me and I am officially pregnant for at least two weeks.
The first time I was on birth control was immediately before I was married, over eight years ago. I was a hormonal wreck. One of my older brothers went to rebuke me for a snarky comment I had made and I burst into tears. My husband remembers cutting sarcasm flowing from my mouth. That round of birth control lasted for a few short months.
The next time I was on birth control was three years ago. I was undergoing IVF for the first time. I honestly cannot remember what my emotions were like.
I started birth control just over five weeks ago. After two days of normalcy, I did not put two and two together when the whole world got infinitely more irritating. Was everyone trying to bug me on purpose?
As we came up for a breather during the placebo pills, the colors outside were brighter, my brain was not fuzzy anymore, and everyone was just so pleasant to be around again. Once more, I did not make a connection. My brave husband pulled me aside one evening.
"You know, you are so wonderful and happy and fun to be around right now. Last week, however, you were not great." He kindly told me that I basically was nitpicking everything and getting upset over minuscule things that should not bother a normal human.
So now, I am counting down. I only have fifteen days left on the pill. I have fully accepted my quick to anger attitude. There have been a small handful of people I have confessed this to over the past week and it has felt very relieving when I say it.
"Here's a big fault I have right now. Sorry!"
I have been trying to take it easy during the day with my baby best friend and surrounding myself with very loving and forgiving friends. Last night, I was with some friends. The vibe was super positive and I was teaching them a skill which did wonders for my need to teach. They are such amazing people and I was on cloud nine the rest of the evening.
Here is hoping this round of IVF works out even just so I do not have to go back on birth control in a few months.
11 June, 2019
Water Ultrasound
One week ago today, we drove up to the nearest clinic that would do an SIS for me. The drive was over 1.5 hours away. My toddler was in the back of the car, complaining the entire way.
As we arrived at the clinic, we were a little surprised to see it was in a large building with dozens of medical offices. I guess I am used to my small town clinic with its own beautiful building. Being in a large metropolitan area means that space costs much more.
We purposefully arrived half an hour early. After all the difficulty in booking the appointment, we did not want to risk missing the appointment.
As we sat in the waiting room, my toddler played with a few toys we had brought in and the husband and I watched a reality large-scale fish tank builder show. Who knew such shows existed. We were laughing at the drama they created and the blatant ad for Dairy Queen in the middle. The humor they tried to create for the show was terrible.
Previously when I have had to have a catheter inserted for an IUI or another type of ultrasound, my clinic discovered that it was much easier if I had a full bladder. Remembering this, I was prepared and had to pee badly the entire time we sat in the waiting room. After we were called back, they asked that I empty my bladder. I cringed, thinking that it could take a while for the ultrasound to take place if I had to drink more water but complied.
As I sat on the examination table, I stared at the ultrasound display on the television screen and got a little choked up. I was sitting in a room, finally starting on the first steps to get our second child. Next to me was my darling little girl and my husband. I could not stop thinking how blessed I was. I already had a baby. Could I control my emotions better as I went through the process again? Would I be able to emotionally make it through more than one cycle?
My husband asked our daughter to hold my hand as we did the ultrasound. She very solemnly placed her hand in mine as we waited for the catheter to insert the saline. She watched in awe as the wonderful RE took a few pictures of everything that he found. It was, thankfully, uneventful. He said everything looked great and that I should be able to proceed with the FET in a month or two.
We were extremely grateful for him. We chatted a bit prior to the procedure and he agreed with us that it is more than slightly preposterous that very few clinics in the area will help patients that are working primarily with another clinic.
Later that day, I called the clinic and we scheduled the transfer for July 25. We then learned that we may have to push that date back by a week for my husband's school schedule. I will have a definite date by tomorrow. (A very good thing because flights keep getting more expensive!)
As we arrived at the clinic, we were a little surprised to see it was in a large building with dozens of medical offices. I guess I am used to my small town clinic with its own beautiful building. Being in a large metropolitan area means that space costs much more.
We purposefully arrived half an hour early. After all the difficulty in booking the appointment, we did not want to risk missing the appointment.
As we sat in the waiting room, my toddler played with a few toys we had brought in and the husband and I watched a reality large-scale fish tank builder show. Who knew such shows existed. We were laughing at the drama they created and the blatant ad for Dairy Queen in the middle. The humor they tried to create for the show was terrible.
Previously when I have had to have a catheter inserted for an IUI or another type of ultrasound, my clinic discovered that it was much easier if I had a full bladder. Remembering this, I was prepared and had to pee badly the entire time we sat in the waiting room. After we were called back, they asked that I empty my bladder. I cringed, thinking that it could take a while for the ultrasound to take place if I had to drink more water but complied.
As I sat on the examination table, I stared at the ultrasound display on the television screen and got a little choked up. I was sitting in a room, finally starting on the first steps to get our second child. Next to me was my darling little girl and my husband. I could not stop thinking how blessed I was. I already had a baby. Could I control my emotions better as I went through the process again? Would I be able to emotionally make it through more than one cycle?
My husband asked our daughter to hold my hand as we did the ultrasound. She very solemnly placed her hand in mine as we waited for the catheter to insert the saline. She watched in awe as the wonderful RE took a few pictures of everything that he found. It was, thankfully, uneventful. He said everything looked great and that I should be able to proceed with the FET in a month or two.
We were extremely grateful for him. We chatted a bit prior to the procedure and he agreed with us that it is more than slightly preposterous that very few clinics in the area will help patients that are working primarily with another clinic.
Later that day, I called the clinic and we scheduled the transfer for July 25. We then learned that we may have to push that date back by a week for my husband's school schedule. I will have a definite date by tomorrow. (A very good thing because flights keep getting more expensive!)
28 May, 2019
Birth Control
The first time I took birth control pills was a few weeks before my wedding. It turned me into a hormonal mess. I stopped taking them after a few months. It wasn't worth it. When we started IVF, I was on birth control briefly to regulate everything and make sure the timeline would be accurate.
Last night, I took a pill. After the debacle we had with scheduling the SIS, I thought that my IVF coordinator calling in birth control pills should not be a problem. I waited two days and then asked my coordinator to call in a new order. I am glad I received the order when I did because for whatever reason, yesterday was the last day I could have started to stay on schedule.
I just took my second birth control pill. I figure I have one to three months on it this go-round. I am hoping I can keep hormones in check, especially because I have more hormones to inject starting in July.
Last night, I took a pill. After the debacle we had with scheduling the SIS, I thought that my IVF coordinator calling in birth control pills should not be a problem. I waited two days and then asked my coordinator to call in a new order. I am glad I received the order when I did because for whatever reason, yesterday was the last day I could have started to stay on schedule.
I just took my second birth control pill. I figure I have one to three months on it this go-round. I am hoping I can keep hormones in check, especially because I have more hormones to inject starting in July.
21 May, 2019
The Ballad of the Saline Infusion Sonohysterograph
After I had the phone consult with my RE, I was tasked with two assignments: Have eight blood labs completed and receive a saline infusion sonohysterograph (also known as a water ultrasound).
I turned my attention to the ultrasound. I popped into my regular OB's office to inquire if they performed the ultrasound. The receptionist gave me a blank look. After a few seconds of gears turning in her head, she informed me that she believed that type of ultrasound was completed in the hospital.
A few days later, I performed a quick google search and pulled up the name of a doctor in my area that might do the procedure, so I called them next. I had to leave a message after sitting on hold for 20 minutes. When the secretary called me back, she was less than helpful and not very cheerful.
"Do you do saline infusion sonohysterographs?"
"Yeah."
"Would you still be able to do the procedure even if the order is from another state?"
"I guess so."
"Would you be able to set up the appointment just a few days before I need it done?" (My instructions were to either have the ultrasound completed on day 6-10 of my cycle or while on birth control.)
"We usually can."
"What do I need to do to set this up?"
"Fax us the order and your entire medical file."
"I have a copy of the order I can just run in."
"We need it faxed."
"You need my entire medical file? I just need this ultrasound completed."
"Yes. We will have someone call you when we receive your file."
End of conversation.
I emailed my IVF coordinator to tell her the good news and she said she would fax over the information. I waited a full business day before I called the OB clinic back.
After waiting on hold for 15 minutes, a new, happy girl picked up the phone.
"I had an order sent in for a SIS."
"Can I put you on hold for a few minutes?"
After waiting off and on for another 20 minutes, she finally was able to help me. Apparently, someone had already scheduled the SIS, but put it into the system incorrectly. The girl started going over my information before we did the appointment information.
"Is your address 1501 Orchard Lane?"
"...No...It's __." (I've never lived on a street called Orchard Lane.)
"The number we have listed is this."
"My phone number is actually this: __."
"The emergency contact written down for you is Matt Lancer."
At this point, I was very confused. No offence to Mr. Lancer, I am sure he is an upstanding fellow, but he is definitely not my emergency contact, just like every other bit of information had been incorrect.
"He's not my emergency contact. I am a little worried that you have the wrong person."
"We can change the emergency contact, no problem! He will never find out that we took him off. If it's an ex-husband or something, he won't be notified."
"Sorry. I meant, I think you have the incorrect patient file pulled up. Every piece of information you have asked me about has been wrong and I don't want to completely change someone else's file."
"Oh. Well, we can check by your SSN."
Surprise! It was the wrong person. Thankfully the girl had not saved any of the new changes.
We made the appointment and I was giddy that I had finally nailed down the appointment after not too much trouble.
Half an hour later, the girl called me back. She had apparently called my RE clinic. After talking with my IVF coordinator, they discovered a problem. The OB in my city apparently would not be able to perform the ultrasound the way my RE clinic needed. I am really fuzzy on the details, but apparently the conversation the conversation got a little heated and the RE clinic hung up on the OB office. Whoa. Drama!
Around the same time as the phone call, my IVF coordinator emailed and informed me that the OB would not be able to provide the type of scan that was needed and I would need to find someone else.
The next day, I called an RE clinic in my area (1.5 hours away--the closest there is). I had given up on local doctors and know some friends that have been to this RE clinic. 'They're such a great clinic and I have only heard great things about them! It will be more of a drive, but they will be great!' I knew that my window of opportunity was closing. I could tell that cycle day 1 was going to be the following day and so I had around a week to get this figured out.
With the feeling of ease and anxiety, I called the clinic. The quick conversation was over in a matter of a few minutes. The receptionist transferred me to the scheduler who very firmly told me that they do not do outside orders, thank you very much. I hung up. I wiped away a few tears.
Over a week had gone by with many phone calls to several doctors' offices, being put on hold, and dashing my hopes. I was so frustrated that planning one ultrasound before I even "officially started" IVF was not working out. In the back of my brain, I was thinking worst case scenario. I would have to take a day trip back to my clinic to have the ultrasound completed. After pricing tickets and discovering it would cost close to $1000, I decided it would be extreme worst case scenario.
The husband was wonderful. He asked me if I would like him to make the next round of phone calls. I hesitated. I would do anything for another baby, right? After thinking for a second, I told him yes. Bless him.
He called our (tiny) local hospital. After a fifteen minute conversation in which the poor scheduler kept asking to verify what kind of ultrasound was needed, she asked if she could call back. She did not know for sure whether or not they could do it.
That day ended and we were hit with the weekend. When husband finally called back, he ended up on a wild goose chase calling more than a half dozen different hospitals and clinics. People would ask for the name of the ultrasound and put him on hold before they denied that they could perform the ultrasound. Thankfully, he was always given another place to call.
When he finally emerged from the room where he was making calls, he emerged successfully. He had a name. They specifically do out-of-area SIS and they told him they might be able to fit me in on Thursday. I emailed my coordinator and updated her with the (new) good news. She called me a few hours later and said she could prescribe birth control so that even if I am not able to go in on Thursday, I can have the ultrasound at any point.
I want to get the ultrasound over with, but I would rather have it done after Thursday. Husband has his last day of his first summer class this Thursday, so we would have to get a sitter to watch the my toddler so that we can both get to our individual appointments. She has yet to have a sitter since we moved in July. We will figure out the solution to that problem if we come to it.
We will have to wait a few days before the story ends. My family also gets the fun experience of seeing what I am like on birth control. I have only been on birth control for 4 months, spread out over two different occasions. The first time was not great, so hopefully I can have normal emotions for the next couple of months.
I turned my attention to the ultrasound. I popped into my regular OB's office to inquire if they performed the ultrasound. The receptionist gave me a blank look. After a few seconds of gears turning in her head, she informed me that she believed that type of ultrasound was completed in the hospital.
A few days later, I performed a quick google search and pulled up the name of a doctor in my area that might do the procedure, so I called them next. I had to leave a message after sitting on hold for 20 minutes. When the secretary called me back, she was less than helpful and not very cheerful.
"Do you do saline infusion sonohysterographs?"
"Yeah."
"Would you still be able to do the procedure even if the order is from another state?"
"I guess so."
"Would you be able to set up the appointment just a few days before I need it done?" (My instructions were to either have the ultrasound completed on day 6-10 of my cycle or while on birth control.)
"We usually can."
"What do I need to do to set this up?"
"Fax us the order and your entire medical file."
"I have a copy of the order I can just run in."
"We need it faxed."
"You need my entire medical file? I just need this ultrasound completed."
"Yes. We will have someone call you when we receive your file."
End of conversation.
I emailed my IVF coordinator to tell her the good news and she said she would fax over the information. I waited a full business day before I called the OB clinic back.
After waiting on hold for 15 minutes, a new, happy girl picked up the phone.
"I had an order sent in for a SIS."
"Can I put you on hold for a few minutes?"
After waiting off and on for another 20 minutes, she finally was able to help me. Apparently, someone had already scheduled the SIS, but put it into the system incorrectly. The girl started going over my information before we did the appointment information.
"Is your address 1501 Orchard Lane?"
"...No...It's __." (I've never lived on a street called Orchard Lane.)
"The number we have listed is this."
"My phone number is actually this: __."
"The emergency contact written down for you is Matt Lancer."
At this point, I was very confused. No offence to Mr. Lancer, I am sure he is an upstanding fellow, but he is definitely not my emergency contact, just like every other bit of information had been incorrect.
"He's not my emergency contact. I am a little worried that you have the wrong person."
"We can change the emergency contact, no problem! He will never find out that we took him off. If it's an ex-husband or something, he won't be notified."
"Sorry. I meant, I think you have the incorrect patient file pulled up. Every piece of information you have asked me about has been wrong and I don't want to completely change someone else's file."
"Oh. Well, we can check by your SSN."
Surprise! It was the wrong person. Thankfully the girl had not saved any of the new changes.
We made the appointment and I was giddy that I had finally nailed down the appointment after not too much trouble.
Half an hour later, the girl called me back. She had apparently called my RE clinic. After talking with my IVF coordinator, they discovered a problem. The OB in my city apparently would not be able to perform the ultrasound the way my RE clinic needed. I am really fuzzy on the details, but apparently the conversation the conversation got a little heated and the RE clinic hung up on the OB office. Whoa. Drama!
Around the same time as the phone call, my IVF coordinator emailed and informed me that the OB would not be able to provide the type of scan that was needed and I would need to find someone else.
The next day, I called an RE clinic in my area (1.5 hours away--the closest there is). I had given up on local doctors and know some friends that have been to this RE clinic. 'They're such a great clinic and I have only heard great things about them! It will be more of a drive, but they will be great!' I knew that my window of opportunity was closing. I could tell that cycle day 1 was going to be the following day and so I had around a week to get this figured out.
With the feeling of ease and anxiety, I called the clinic. The quick conversation was over in a matter of a few minutes. The receptionist transferred me to the scheduler who very firmly told me that they do not do outside orders, thank you very much. I hung up. I wiped away a few tears.
Over a week had gone by with many phone calls to several doctors' offices, being put on hold, and dashing my hopes. I was so frustrated that planning one ultrasound before I even "officially started" IVF was not working out. In the back of my brain, I was thinking worst case scenario. I would have to take a day trip back to my clinic to have the ultrasound completed. After pricing tickets and discovering it would cost close to $1000, I decided it would be extreme worst case scenario.
The husband was wonderful. He asked me if I would like him to make the next round of phone calls. I hesitated. I would do anything for another baby, right? After thinking for a second, I told him yes. Bless him.
He called our (tiny) local hospital. After a fifteen minute conversation in which the poor scheduler kept asking to verify what kind of ultrasound was needed, she asked if she could call back. She did not know for sure whether or not they could do it.
That day ended and we were hit with the weekend. When husband finally called back, he ended up on a wild goose chase calling more than a half dozen different hospitals and clinics. People would ask for the name of the ultrasound and put him on hold before they denied that they could perform the ultrasound. Thankfully, he was always given another place to call.
When he finally emerged from the room where he was making calls, he emerged successfully. He had a name. They specifically do out-of-area SIS and they told him they might be able to fit me in on Thursday. I emailed my coordinator and updated her with the (new) good news. She called me a few hours later and said she could prescribe birth control so that even if I am not able to go in on Thursday, I can have the ultrasound at any point.
I want to get the ultrasound over with, but I would rather have it done after Thursday. Husband has his last day of his first summer class this Thursday, so we would have to get a sitter to watch the my toddler so that we can both get to our individual appointments. She has yet to have a sitter since we moved in July. We will figure out the solution to that problem if we come to it.
We will have to wait a few days before the story ends. My family also gets the fun experience of seeing what I am like on birth control. I have only been on birth control for 4 months, spread out over two different occasions. The first time was not great, so hopefully I can have normal emotions for the next couple of months.
26 April, 2019
Phone Consult
Yesterday was our phone consult with the reproductive endocrinologist. We are now two time zones away from our clinic, but are excited to go back and try with our next blast. The conversation was extremely optimistic and helped excite me. I have never been nervous for any of our infertility medical intervention. I became more and more giddy about starting the process again.
We chatted about timing. I told her that we were hoping the baby would arrive after next spring semester. She misunderstood and thought we wanted to do our FET next spring. "You certainly are on the ball, aren't you?" After conversing for a few more minutes (why does she want to know if we are coming out over the holidays? Shouldn't I hopefully be pregnant by then?), we realized the misunderstanding and I told her our real timing plans. August. We want to try in August. "Oh! That makes much more sense! You are calling at a perfect time. We are a week or two out from scheduling in August."
We went over details. One embryo. The husband is terrified of a multiple birth. She told us that it would be best for us to be in the area for around 9-10 days. They would like to do an ultrasound of the lining a week before the transfer to make sure it is nicely thinned and then the day before the transfer to make sure it has thickened. We will then do the transfer and I will get my two "princess days." I know that bed rest is not encouraged like it used to be, but if she told me it would be best for me to do a handstand for an hour after the transfer, I would start practicing my handstand technique.
My homework is to find a clinic in the area that will do a saline ultrasound. I really hope that an OB in our small city has the capability of doing one because the nearest RE office is 90 minutes away. I also was emailed some labs for blood work. Wahoo!
The RE told me that we have a great looking blast to transfer. Baby number one was just about as perfect as it gets. This next blast is graded only slightly lower than my miracle baby. We talked about the remaining 6 blastocysts. They all look great, but the first two were better than the other five. I still feel so blessed that I ended up with seven blasts and hope that I do not have to do an egg retrieval again.
I am still mentally planning on having to go out for two attempts at a FET, just in case. It would be much harder if we have to try twice because the second time would be in September or October and Husband will be in school. I might get to take a solo trip with my adorable toddler while going through this physically and emotionally demanding trip.
I am not looking forward to the progesterone shots this time around. I got used to the multiple shots a day with needles of different gauges prior to the egg retrieval, but having large needles thrust into my rear that deposit progesterone in oil does not sound like fun. I will have to start doing research about the best ways to get ready for this.
Coincidentally, I received a call from my new OB in the area shortly after finishing the call with my RE. They ran some labs on me last week to see what the current state of my anticardiolipin antibodies are. The previous three times I have been tested, I always came back at an indeterminate level. This lead to heparin shots twice a day during my last pregnancy. The results came back as normal! I was extremely excited to hear this news. No twice-a-day shots for the next pregnancy? I do not know how to manage a pregnancy without bruises forming on my abdomen and the occasional eye grimace as I come across a dull needle. (Being the overly cautious person that I am when it comes to pregnancies, I will probably ask my RE if we should maybe test one more time before the next pregnancy, just in case.)
Getting ready for the FET over the next four months, I want to work on being as healthy as possible. I currently exercise 2-3 hours a week and want to make sure that it is at least three hours a week. My husband's last day of school this semester is today, so he will be at home a little more until August (although he does have several summer classes). Husband and I have also decided to cut back on sweets (my weakness) to improve our health. After going through so many fertility treatments before becoming pregnant with my darling girl and working full-time, I was not in the best of health.
We chatted about timing. I told her that we were hoping the baby would arrive after next spring semester. She misunderstood and thought we wanted to do our FET next spring. "You certainly are on the ball, aren't you?" After conversing for a few more minutes (why does she want to know if we are coming out over the holidays? Shouldn't I hopefully be pregnant by then?), we realized the misunderstanding and I told her our real timing plans. August. We want to try in August. "Oh! That makes much more sense! You are calling at a perfect time. We are a week or two out from scheduling in August."
We went over details. One embryo. The husband is terrified of a multiple birth. She told us that it would be best for us to be in the area for around 9-10 days. They would like to do an ultrasound of the lining a week before the transfer to make sure it is nicely thinned and then the day before the transfer to make sure it has thickened. We will then do the transfer and I will get my two "princess days." I know that bed rest is not encouraged like it used to be, but if she told me it would be best for me to do a handstand for an hour after the transfer, I would start practicing my handstand technique.
My homework is to find a clinic in the area that will do a saline ultrasound. I really hope that an OB in our small city has the capability of doing one because the nearest RE office is 90 minutes away. I also was emailed some labs for blood work. Wahoo!
The RE told me that we have a great looking blast to transfer. Baby number one was just about as perfect as it gets. This next blast is graded only slightly lower than my miracle baby. We talked about the remaining 6 blastocysts. They all look great, but the first two were better than the other five. I still feel so blessed that I ended up with seven blasts and hope that I do not have to do an egg retrieval again.
I am still mentally planning on having to go out for two attempts at a FET, just in case. It would be much harder if we have to try twice because the second time would be in September or October and Husband will be in school. I might get to take a solo trip with my adorable toddler while going through this physically and emotionally demanding trip.
I am not looking forward to the progesterone shots this time around. I got used to the multiple shots a day with needles of different gauges prior to the egg retrieval, but having large needles thrust into my rear that deposit progesterone in oil does not sound like fun. I will have to start doing research about the best ways to get ready for this.
Coincidentally, I received a call from my new OB in the area shortly after finishing the call with my RE. They ran some labs on me last week to see what the current state of my anticardiolipin antibodies are. The previous three times I have been tested, I always came back at an indeterminate level. This lead to heparin shots twice a day during my last pregnancy. The results came back as normal! I was extremely excited to hear this news. No twice-a-day shots for the next pregnancy? I do not know how to manage a pregnancy without bruises forming on my abdomen and the occasional eye grimace as I come across a dull needle. (Being the overly cautious person that I am when it comes to pregnancies, I will probably ask my RE if we should maybe test one more time before the next pregnancy, just in case.)
Getting ready for the FET over the next four months, I want to work on being as healthy as possible. I currently exercise 2-3 hours a week and want to make sure that it is at least three hours a week. My husband's last day of school this semester is today, so he will be at home a little more until August (although he does have several summer classes). Husband and I have also decided to cut back on sweets (my weakness) to improve our health. After going through so many fertility treatments before becoming pregnant with my darling girl and working full-time, I was not in the best of health.
30 March, 2019
What Comes Next
My baby is not really a baby anymore. She is a curious, energetic (almost) 2-year-old toddler. She is a momma's girl through and through and a copycat. I cry sometimes when I think about how much I love her. She is everything to me. I read a study once that claimed children conceived via IVF are loved more than the average child conceived naturally. Maybe this means I love by baby more than I would have if she did not take years to come and all our money.
I do know that I am different from other moms. Having a baby does not cure infertility, nor does it cure the feelings and emotions.
In July, we moved halfway across the country. I have met a handful of women that area dealing with infertility issues. It is nice to be able to glance at them for half a second when other mothers talk about how much easier it was with one than two kids or other problems that I wish I had. They know.
Husband and I just had "the talk" a week ago and decided that late this summer will be when we will try our first frozen embryo transfer (FET). I hope it only takes one. In my mind, I am planning on at least two because it will hurt less that way. I know that when I get caught up in the middle of the shots and ultrasounds, everything will become more real to me and I will wish and hope and pray with all my might that it will only take one transfer, but I cannot put all my emotions in one emotional basket (that would make me a basket case). It's not me being pessimistic, it's being realistic. On the bright side, if it does take more than one FET, it means I get to visit my home state more than once. I would really look forward to that.
We are planning our FET so that the baby would come next summertime, during my husband's summer break from his doctorate program. The first time we go out for a FET, we are hoping to make a 1-2 week vacation out of it and really enjoy ourselves. My current medical insurance does not cover any infertility treatments at all, so it doesn't really matter if I do all the blood draws and ultrasounds where I live currently or with my clinic. If I have to come out for a second (or third) FET, it will just be me and the baby.
We are scheduled to have a phone consultation with my RE at the end of April. I wanted to schedule it early for two reasons. 1. Because it will be a long-distance FET, I want to make sure everything is laid out perfectly. 2. My current city is notorious for getting an appointment with a doctor. I need to know if I need to see an RE out here (closest one is 1.5 hours away) or if I can get away with just seeing an OBGYN or if I can just do all the preceding medical work at a lab somewhere.
I do know that I am different from other moms. Having a baby does not cure infertility, nor does it cure the feelings and emotions.
In July, we moved halfway across the country. I have met a handful of women that area dealing with infertility issues. It is nice to be able to glance at them for half a second when other mothers talk about how much easier it was with one than two kids or other problems that I wish I had. They know.
Husband and I just had "the talk" a week ago and decided that late this summer will be when we will try our first frozen embryo transfer (FET). I hope it only takes one. In my mind, I am planning on at least two because it will hurt less that way. I know that when I get caught up in the middle of the shots and ultrasounds, everything will become more real to me and I will wish and hope and pray with all my might that it will only take one transfer, but I cannot put all my emotions in one emotional basket (that would make me a basket case). It's not me being pessimistic, it's being realistic. On the bright side, if it does take more than one FET, it means I get to visit my home state more than once. I would really look forward to that.
We are planning our FET so that the baby would come next summertime, during my husband's summer break from his doctorate program. The first time we go out for a FET, we are hoping to make a 1-2 week vacation out of it and really enjoy ourselves. My current medical insurance does not cover any infertility treatments at all, so it doesn't really matter if I do all the blood draws and ultrasounds where I live currently or with my clinic. If I have to come out for a second (or third) FET, it will just be me and the baby.
We are scheduled to have a phone consultation with my RE at the end of April. I wanted to schedule it early for two reasons. 1. Because it will be a long-distance FET, I want to make sure everything is laid out perfectly. 2. My current city is notorious for getting an appointment with a doctor. I need to know if I need to see an RE out here (closest one is 1.5 hours away) or if I can get away with just seeing an OBGYN or if I can just do all the preceding medical work at a lab somewhere.
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