This summer, I was invited to my first non-family baby shower that I was able to go to post move. It was for a sweet friend of mine and my daughter adores her boys so I was happy to go.
I quickly learned that I had made a mistake when the women present started going around in a circle telling humorous anecdotes about their labor and delivery experiences.
It caused sorrowful feelings to resurface that I had not felt in quite a while.
I do not share my daughter's birth story very frequently. If I do, it goes something like this:
I made it to the hospital at 12:30 and she was born just after 4:00 with around 15 minutes of pushing.
Simple. Minimal. Not very detailed.
When I think back to that day, I remember such special, sacred moments. Even when I was at my worst, I asked the midwife to look into the epidural and was later told the anesthesiologist would not give me one due to the blood thinners I took. I still smile. I cherish bringing my daughter into this world. My point of view for my daughter's birth is dramatically different than how other women view births, and that's okay.
Even though I get to spend time with my beautiful daughter, infertility will always be a huge part of my life. Once our next child is born, I will still feel some intermittent sorrow when I hear a baby announcement. I will still keep track of how old our miscarried children would be had they been viable pregnancies. I will occasionally ponder how old our child would be had we been able to conceive at the very beginning of our marriage. However, I think about these things peacefully (in general) now and do not need a baby shower to rip ugly old emotions to the forefront of my brain.
I will not make an appearance at a baby shower in the near future. This is my current boundary and I very much support myself in this decision.
No comments:
Post a Comment