I adore you. I have two pictures of you and one of them is on my nightstand. I like to gaze at your not-quite-hydrated little being and marvel at how amazing you are. The RE told me you looked nice and plump right before I became pregnant with you and you were as perfect as perfect could be. I was so relieved when I heard that you had survived the thawing process. Not every blastocyst does.
I already consider you part of our family. No matter what the results of the blood draw are tomorrow, you are mine. I am so thankful for a religion that tells me that you are and always will be my baby.
Your father is convinced I am pregnant with you and I have a cautious optimism. You are a fighter. There are so many friends and family members rooting for you and I can feel their love and support. If you are meant to be, you are so lucky that you have so many people backing your existence. You are fortuitous that you have a mother and father that love each other dearly and an older sister who knows that her mommy has a baby, but doesn't quite get the difference between her baby doll and her mother's pregnancy. Your sister has been working on lullabies lately. Right before her nap, she raucously rocked her baby doll while enthusiastically singing "Baby Shark." If that's not something to look forward to, I don't know what is.
I can promise you that if you are born into our family, you will be so loved. The closer it gets to the blood draw, the less I want to do it because the more brokenhearted I will be if the results are negative. I have tried not to be as invested in this cycle. I gave more than I had emotionally to get your sister to this earth. However, I realized I cannot go through this cycle like it is simply the medical procedure it appears to be on the outside. Even though you were frozen in a lab with your brothers and sisters up until nine days ago, you are my baby and I am invested in you.
You are loved. You are special to me.
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