Tomorrow is a big day. Tomorrow and Thursday are both big days.
Tomorrow is the halfway mark. Twenty weeks pregnant. Add up all the other pregnancies and they would not come close to this many weeks.
I love this little girl so much more than anyone else I haven't met. I have dreams about a little curly red haired girl holding her dad's hand or listening to classical music with him. I picture her as a mini me, just with red hair. (Baby girl has a 50% chance of inheriting red hair because her dad has red hair and her grandma-my mother-had red hair.)
Husband has started talking about her more (without my prompting) and we are both looking forward to April 5th.
I felt her for sure for the first time on Friday. It was amazing. I was with my teacher bff watching the wonderful students before school. I had just finished a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when I felt a wiggle in my upper right abdomen. The tears almost started. I had suspicions before Friday, but ever since then, I've felt nudges and twists that make me grab my stomach, hoping I can feel her on the outside.
I cannot wait for husband to feel her.
Thursday brings the anatomy scan. I am excited to see the details of her perfect little body and the intricacies of how everything works. My favorite parts of every ultrasound has been to see her tiny heart beating, so the thought of seeing all her major organs working together makes me longingly count down the hours until the appointment.
Today is also a big day. I look forward to the 2nd and the 15th of each month. The second lets me count down the months and the 15th lets me round to counting down half months. Today I get to round and say she is due in 4 1/2 months.
15 November, 2016
22 October, 2016
Sixteen weeks, three days (And the baby is...)
In a way, I never thought I would reach this point.
*Knowing the sex of my baby
*Beginning to show a slight bump that is noticeable by people I run into
*Actually feeling pregnant (the first trimester was a blessing and a curse because I rarely felt stereotypical pregnancy symptoms)
*Starting to confidently buy baby items
*Making real plans for April in terms of maternity leave, husband taking work off for the last week of school, birth plan, etc.
It's not that I did not think I would be pregnant past the first trimester or that I would ever be pregnant. However, I am an extremely sensitive person when it comes to the topic of pregnancy and children and in order to make it through the first five years of my marriage without ever seeing a live baby on the ultrasound monitor, I needed to close off the baby part of my brain to save me emotionally. Whenever something got through to the baby part of my brain (negative pregnancy test, positive pregnancy test with negative doctor's appointment, friends talking nonstop about their children, etc.) it would take a while to heal from those occurrences. Because of all the pain I had gone through, I never dreamed to think about my own baby or having a large, pregnant stomach, or anything past conception.
When I was around fourteen week along, I woke up one morning to a nice stream of blood in the toilet and I panicked. I went and woke up husband who asked if I wanted to go to the ER. Being the practical person that I am, I did not want that. Because I was only in my first trimester and nothing could be done to save the baby at that point, waiting a few hours to get in to see the doctor would not change a thing. I went to school to get ready for a sub and upon coming home, I grabbed the husband to go with me on my trip to the doctor. The doctor's office will check the fetal heartbeat at any time, no appointment necessary. After a couple tantalizing minutes of the nurse rolling the monitor up and down my belly, she found a strong heartbeat. We were thankful, but husband asked if we could get on the ultrasound technician's schedule soon. After checking the front desk, we learned that there was an opening in her schedule in just a few short minutes. After hopping on the technician's table, it only took a couple seconds for the wand to be pulled out and a beautiful picture of the baby to show up on the screen. More relief. All I cared about was seeing the beating heart (although i loved seeing the spine). As I relaxed on the table, I heard husband ask the question I was waiting for. "So, can you tell the sex right now?"
The technician laughed. "I was going to check in just a second. It is probably still too early to tell, but we'll take a look."
She zoomed in on baby's genitals to see what she could see.
"At this point, nothing is certain. However, just by looking at the development, I would say that it's a girl with 70% certainty."
A girl! Maybe!
She saw a place above the placenta where the bleeding probably came from, but said we had nothing to worry about. "Take it easy for a couple days and you'll be fine."
Fast forward to this previous Thursday. I counted down the hours by the time Sunday arrived. I could not wait for the gender ultrasound (and frankly, husband was probably more excited). I was more excited to see that heart beating (which it was).
After checking the heartbeat and showing us some cute profiles of the baby, she got right to it. Pushing the baby around a bit so that the genitals were on display, she told us we were expecting a little girl!
We now have 19 pictures of baby girl on our fridge. (She's getting so big!)
Our next scheduled ultrasound will be the week before Thanksgiving for the comprehensive anatomy scan.
*Knowing the sex of my baby
*Beginning to show a slight bump that is noticeable by people I run into
*Actually feeling pregnant (the first trimester was a blessing and a curse because I rarely felt stereotypical pregnancy symptoms)
*Starting to confidently buy baby items
*Making real plans for April in terms of maternity leave, husband taking work off for the last week of school, birth plan, etc.
It's not that I did not think I would be pregnant past the first trimester or that I would ever be pregnant. However, I am an extremely sensitive person when it comes to the topic of pregnancy and children and in order to make it through the first five years of my marriage without ever seeing a live baby on the ultrasound monitor, I needed to close off the baby part of my brain to save me emotionally. Whenever something got through to the baby part of my brain (negative pregnancy test, positive pregnancy test with negative doctor's appointment, friends talking nonstop about their children, etc.) it would take a while to heal from those occurrences. Because of all the pain I had gone through, I never dreamed to think about my own baby or having a large, pregnant stomach, or anything past conception.
When I was around fourteen week along, I woke up one morning to a nice stream of blood in the toilet and I panicked. I went and woke up husband who asked if I wanted to go to the ER. Being the practical person that I am, I did not want that. Because I was only in my first trimester and nothing could be done to save the baby at that point, waiting a few hours to get in to see the doctor would not change a thing. I went to school to get ready for a sub and upon coming home, I grabbed the husband to go with me on my trip to the doctor. The doctor's office will check the fetal heartbeat at any time, no appointment necessary. After a couple tantalizing minutes of the nurse rolling the monitor up and down my belly, she found a strong heartbeat. We were thankful, but husband asked if we could get on the ultrasound technician's schedule soon. After checking the front desk, we learned that there was an opening in her schedule in just a few short minutes. After hopping on the technician's table, it only took a couple seconds for the wand to be pulled out and a beautiful picture of the baby to show up on the screen. More relief. All I cared about was seeing the beating heart (although i loved seeing the spine). As I relaxed on the table, I heard husband ask the question I was waiting for. "So, can you tell the sex right now?"
The technician laughed. "I was going to check in just a second. It is probably still too early to tell, but we'll take a look."
She zoomed in on baby's genitals to see what she could see.
"At this point, nothing is certain. However, just by looking at the development, I would say that it's a girl with 70% certainty."
A girl! Maybe!
She saw a place above the placenta where the bleeding probably came from, but said we had nothing to worry about. "Take it easy for a couple days and you'll be fine."
Fast forward to this previous Thursday. I counted down the hours by the time Sunday arrived. I could not wait for the gender ultrasound (and frankly, husband was probably more excited). I was more excited to see that heart beating (which it was).
After checking the heartbeat and showing us some cute profiles of the baby, she got right to it. Pushing the baby around a bit so that the genitals were on display, she told us we were expecting a little girl!
We now have 19 pictures of baby girl on our fridge. (She's getting so big!)
Our next scheduled ultrasound will be the week before Thanksgiving for the comprehensive anatomy scan.
24 September, 2016
Twelve Weeks, Three Days
I am convinced the baby is a boy. I don't know why. (Husband asked if it was a mother's intuition. It's not that.) I am a little too practical to believe that you can sense what sex the baby is. The baby's gender is solidified immediately at conception. Had Husband and I chosen to do genetic testing on all our little frozen embryos, we could have chosen the sex. (It does make me curious to see how many are boys and how many are girls.) I think of the child as a he and have begun imagining pastel blues and greens in the future.
This evening I started thoroughly researching baby supplies. I decided to look at Amazon and Target specifically for registries to start planning what to buy. When I logged into Amazon and clicked on the "baby registry" button, an unfinished registry popped up and memories came flooding back. When I was pregnant the first time, I started a baby registry on Amazon. I was excited and threw caution to the wind, starting to determine the safest and cutest items. No matter how much time passes, I will always remember the miscarriages and fertility treatments. (Hey, the rest of my time as a child-bearing aged woman will be filled with fertility treatments.) Yesterday I commented to Husband that our marriage could be divided into these sections: The time I wanted to conceive, the era of miscarriages, infertility, IUIs & IVF, and viable pregnancy.
I went through multitude emotions as I saw the unfinished registry and finally ended on hope. Occasionally I think about what would happen if I lost this baby. That thought runs through my mind less and less frequently and I am surrounded by the best supporters. Twice my husband has panicked because he forgot about an unusual event in my schedule and he could not get in contact with me. This past week, I was driving up to carpool with a friend to a dinner/craft night. The usual 15 minute drive took me 45 minutes due to a freak pumpkin accident on the freeway. My phone must have been on silent because she tried calling several times. She called someone else to see if they had Husband's phone number. She finally started to look up Husband's work number as I pulled up. I had been cramping the day before and she was getting worried.
I love my support system.
This evening I started thoroughly researching baby supplies. I decided to look at Amazon and Target specifically for registries to start planning what to buy. When I logged into Amazon and clicked on the "baby registry" button, an unfinished registry popped up and memories came flooding back. When I was pregnant the first time, I started a baby registry on Amazon. I was excited and threw caution to the wind, starting to determine the safest and cutest items. No matter how much time passes, I will always remember the miscarriages and fertility treatments. (Hey, the rest of my time as a child-bearing aged woman will be filled with fertility treatments.) Yesterday I commented to Husband that our marriage could be divided into these sections: The time I wanted to conceive, the era of miscarriages, infertility, IUIs & IVF, and viable pregnancy.
I went through multitude emotions as I saw the unfinished registry and finally ended on hope. Occasionally I think about what would happen if I lost this baby. That thought runs through my mind less and less frequently and I am surrounded by the best supporters. Twice my husband has panicked because he forgot about an unusual event in my schedule and he could not get in contact with me. This past week, I was driving up to carpool with a friend to a dinner/craft night. The usual 15 minute drive took me 45 minutes due to a freak pumpkin accident on the freeway. My phone must have been on silent because she tried calling several times. She called someone else to see if they had Husband's phone number. She finally started to look up Husband's work number as I pulled up. I had been cramping the day before and she was getting worried.
I love my support system.
19 September, 2016
Eleven Weeks Five Days
I have an app that shows how big the baby is every day. It gives the approximate length and weight. I love looking at it every day, sometimes jumping ahead to holidays or my birthday to see how big the baby will be. The baby today is around 2 inches and 0.3 ounces. (I cannot picture something that is two inches long, but only three tenths of an inch.)
The app also gives the approximate size in terms of fruit. That part, I do not like as much. This is my baby growing, not something I will devour. In terms of fruit, I have something the size of a lime growing inside. (The fruit also bugs me because I have seen huge limes and tiny limes. Use something that doesn't vary in size.)
Last week was the first time we met with the OB. He gave me a quick physical and then gave us three more pictures of the baby via my first standard ultrasound (over the abdomen). It was amazing to see the baby wiggling and squirming. The most we have seen the baby move is just his/her heart and his/her feet. We could even see the baby's fingers moving. It was amazing.
Even though the baby is getting bigger, this was the worst quality ultrasound we have had. It was even worse than the first ultrasound when the baby looked like a lima bean. I get that the fertility clinic needs to have higher quality ultrasounds because they do intricate things and need to see better qualities, but it is slightly disappointing to think that the rest of the pictures of the baby (until April) will be fuzzy and low quality.
In terms of the OB, I thought he was fine. He was slightly distracted, but I thought that he easily could have been on call the previous night or birthing a dozen babies. Husband, on the other hand, did not like the OB. I made him promise to not form a formal opinion until we had met with him one more time.
The next appointment is not for four and a half weeks. It is the appointment I think Husband is most looking forward to. We will find out the sex of the baby on October 20. It's exciting!
The app also gives the approximate size in terms of fruit. That part, I do not like as much. This is my baby growing, not something I will devour. In terms of fruit, I have something the size of a lime growing inside. (The fruit also bugs me because I have seen huge limes and tiny limes. Use something that doesn't vary in size.)
Last week was the first time we met with the OB. He gave me a quick physical and then gave us three more pictures of the baby via my first standard ultrasound (over the abdomen). It was amazing to see the baby wiggling and squirming. The most we have seen the baby move is just his/her heart and his/her feet. We could even see the baby's fingers moving. It was amazing.
Even though the baby is getting bigger, this was the worst quality ultrasound we have had. It was even worse than the first ultrasound when the baby looked like a lima bean. I get that the fertility clinic needs to have higher quality ultrasounds because they do intricate things and need to see better qualities, but it is slightly disappointing to think that the rest of the pictures of the baby (until April) will be fuzzy and low quality.
In terms of the OB, I thought he was fine. He was slightly distracted, but I thought that he easily could have been on call the previous night or birthing a dozen babies. Husband, on the other hand, did not like the OB. I made him promise to not form a formal opinion until we had met with him one more time.
The next appointment is not for four and a half weeks. It is the appointment I think Husband is most looking forward to. We will find out the sex of the baby on October 20. It's exciting!
10 September, 2016
Ten Weeks Three Days
It's official. I am a graduate of my fertility clinic. For now.
I went in for my final appointment last Thursday after school. The time was late and there was only one other person in the waiting room. After waiting for a minute, the lady at the front desk called over to me stating that she did not see me in her schedule. My heart skipped a beat. During school, I had the worst day and the thought of seeing my baby was one of the main things that got me through the day.
They figured out the mistake and brought me back. I could not wait.
During this ultrasound, I was not as stricken with puppy love looking at the baby so I was able to ask more astute questions and remember a greater part of the conversation. The baby looked great and we were able to see the remnants of the egg sack. The technician even showed us the blood flow from the placenta to the baby. The most amazing part of the appointment? We saw the baby's heart beat (along with hearing it again) and we saw him or her kicking! It was the most incredible thing. I fell in love all over again.
After examining the baby, she scanned around the uterus. I was slightly impatient. If that wand is going to be up me, I would like to see something interesting. Well, she found something interesting. I was bleeding above the uterus. The technician said that this happens in 20% of early pregnancies. She was not worried, but gave me some precautions. I was put on pelvic rest, told not to lift more than 10-15 pounds, and to take it easy. She said that there would be no worries unless I started to bleed. She did take me off the baby aspirin a few weeks earlier than was planned. I still have to be extra careful because I am on heparin though.
When we finished the scan and I was handed my three pictures (we're up to six pictures of the baby on the fridge now and all nine weeks or younger). Then, the most touching thing happened. I knew that I would be handed my large stack of paperwork, but thought it would be unceremoniously on the way out the door after grabbing a dum-dum for the last time. Instead, we were handed a card signed by all the staff at the clinic to offer their congratulations. We were also directed toward a beautiful tree and told to sign and date it. It was their graduation tree. I had walked past that section of the clinic over a dozen times and never noticed it before. We were told that once we had the baby, we should bring him or her back and write our offspring's name along with the birth date by our names.
It was a touching moment.
I felt tears in my eyes the entire time, but let them spill out once we reached the car. That clinic did so much for us for so many months. I am sure we will return again someday, but I will have a little darling at that point, hoping for a sibling.
On Wednesday, I went to my new OB's office for the first time. I only went to fill out paperwork and give them all my medical information. I was handed a bag of free samples (and told there was a sample room I could help myself to anytime). All the staff I interacted with were extremely pleasant and I am excited to meet my doctor on Tuesday. I had five vials of blood drawn. The phlebotomist was impressed with how quickly I was filling the vials. I guess there are a few pros to taking a heavy blood thinner. (Maybe just that one.)
I went in for my final appointment last Thursday after school. The time was late and there was only one other person in the waiting room. After waiting for a minute, the lady at the front desk called over to me stating that she did not see me in her schedule. My heart skipped a beat. During school, I had the worst day and the thought of seeing my baby was one of the main things that got me through the day.
They figured out the mistake and brought me back. I could not wait.
During this ultrasound, I was not as stricken with puppy love looking at the baby so I was able to ask more astute questions and remember a greater part of the conversation. The baby looked great and we were able to see the remnants of the egg sack. The technician even showed us the blood flow from the placenta to the baby. The most amazing part of the appointment? We saw the baby's heart beat (along with hearing it again) and we saw him or her kicking! It was the most incredible thing. I fell in love all over again.
After examining the baby, she scanned around the uterus. I was slightly impatient. If that wand is going to be up me, I would like to see something interesting. Well, she found something interesting. I was bleeding above the uterus. The technician said that this happens in 20% of early pregnancies. She was not worried, but gave me some precautions. I was put on pelvic rest, told not to lift more than 10-15 pounds, and to take it easy. She said that there would be no worries unless I started to bleed. She did take me off the baby aspirin a few weeks earlier than was planned. I still have to be extra careful because I am on heparin though.
When we finished the scan and I was handed my three pictures (we're up to six pictures of the baby on the fridge now and all nine weeks or younger). Then, the most touching thing happened. I knew that I would be handed my large stack of paperwork, but thought it would be unceremoniously on the way out the door after grabbing a dum-dum for the last time. Instead, we were handed a card signed by all the staff at the clinic to offer their congratulations. We were also directed toward a beautiful tree and told to sign and date it. It was their graduation tree. I had walked past that section of the clinic over a dozen times and never noticed it before. We were told that once we had the baby, we should bring him or her back and write our offspring's name along with the birth date by our names.
It was a touching moment.
I felt tears in my eyes the entire time, but let them spill out once we reached the car. That clinic did so much for us for so many months. I am sure we will return again someday, but I will have a little darling at that point, hoping for a sibling.
On Wednesday, I went to my new OB's office for the first time. I only went to fill out paperwork and give them all my medical information. I was handed a bag of free samples (and told there was a sample room I could help myself to anytime). All the staff I interacted with were extremely pleasant and I am excited to meet my doctor on Tuesday. I had five vials of blood drawn. The phlebotomist was impressed with how quickly I was filling the vials. I guess there are a few pros to taking a heavy blood thinner. (Maybe just that one.)
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