On Pregnancy Tests

Written July 27, the evening prior to my beta blood test.

I have taken a number of home pregnancy tests in my day. The ironic thing is that more of those have turned up positive rather than negative. A great majority of these tests revolve around checking my hcg levels as opposed to seeing if I am pregnant. The first miscarriage took nearly 7 weeks for the levels to drop to a point where I was not considered pregnant anymore. Before this month, I had only taken three pregnancy tests that were a bonafide positive.
On Saturday, I was hanging out on vacation at my aunt's house when I decided that I wanted to test on my own. I stopped at the local Target with baby brother and sister in tow (no questions asked from them) to buy my four pregnancy tests. That night, I dreamed that I was teaching, but the only thing on my mind was taking a pregnancy test.
Sunday morning, I tried to be nonchalant as I rushed into the bathroom next door to the bedroom for the test. Truth be told, I wanted it to be negative. Not because I do not want to be pregnant. (You do not spend the money we have spent only to wish eternal infertility.) I wanted it to be negative because I had recently injected myself with hcg to trigger ovulation. After that trigger, I was asked to take a pregnancy test to ensure the drugs had worked. Those drugs can stay in one's system for a varying amount of time. I only took half a dose which, upon research, would have probably only stayed in my system for approximately five days. But you never know. If I had the money and the patience, I would have tested the drug out and then continued testing until the wished for positive.
On the first day I tested, I was 6dp5dt (six days past a five day transfer). It was also thirteen days after the shot I gave myself. I started to get excited, but remained cautious. I mentioned my dilemma to my roommate (baby sister) and showed husband upon arriving home again.
What to do other than test the next three days until the day before my official beta blood test?
Monday? Positive.
Tuesday? Also positive.
This morning? Wednesday? Fast positive.
I only hope that tomorrow I will go in for the beta test and they will give me a nice, strong number. Even if they give me great numbers for the beta and the other blood tests, I will not believe I am pregnant until I see the first ultrasound.
Even though I have been pregnant three time prior, I have never seen my baby alive on an ultrasound. It's a little heartbreaking.
We are acting as though I am pregnant. We painted this afternoon and I wore a mask to protect against the fumes. I have been eating more eggs for lean proteins. I am an expert at this point in a pregnancy. I am also an expert at miscarrying soon. If I receive a positive phone call tomorrow, I will probably start on heparin. Twice a day. Two shots a day. Every day of the pregnancy. But guess what? I am excited for it. I am excited to (probably) feel queasy again. I am excited for all the aches and pains of pregnancy. Because I have had to work and wait for them for so long.
Here's to a strong number tomorrow.