13 March, 2016

The Appointment

I thought February 19, 2015 would be the best day ever. I anxiously awaited lunch to arrive so I could leave work and get ready for the big appointment. W and I drove in one car on the way there. I'm sure we chatted, but we were both anticipating the moment we would hear a heartbeat.
The paperwork took all of five minutes to fill out. I tried to look nonchalant. I couldn't look like a newby to all of this... after what seemed like an eternity, we were called back. (It was legit a long time. I have the good/bad habit of arriving extremely early to appointments, work, school, church, etc.)
We were escorted into a room with a gorgeous view of a local landmark that means a lot to me. It felt very peaceful waiting in that room, waiting for a doctor to provide proof of our future.
When the doctor arrived, she got on W's nerves.
"So was this planned?"
He was busy getting after her silently.
'Why would that matter? It wouldn't change anything for us.'
I calmly answered every question, trying not to let my gaze go to her handheld ultrasound.
After an agonizing five minutes, she let me hop into the table and she pulled out the machine.
We tried transvaginal. She pulled in another doctor to try. Nothing. I was turning numb.
She sent us quickly to the hospital for lab work. I didn't know what to think. I just thought it was a mistake. This couldn't happen to me. How could this happen to me? It was surreal.
Saturday night was full of anticipation and waiting. We had gone in for round two of lab work that afternoon and were waiting the specified amount of time before we called the doctor on duty.
After a few calls back and forth (someone managed to put my second sample under my maiden name. It was a mess.) they had news.
"Your first numbers were high. Really high. As of this afternoon, they are really starting to go down. You'll probably start miscarrying in a week."

1 comment:

  1. Oh... My heart is breaking for you right now. :( How are you doing?? It's been a while since you posted. It's been a while for me as well. I hope to start writing again real soon.